Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’ve been dating, on and off, for around a month but to my dismay I am concerned that she could be my half-sister.
It was smooth sailing with so many similarities between us until she mentioned her family last week.
I’m worried that we could have the same father. I’ve made excuses not to see her again since, and not asked my father about this. What should I do?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
At least you are only in the early stages of the budding relationship, so it sounds as though you didn’t get too intimate and commit incest.
Although many fathers have irresponsibly scattered their seed across the island, discovering someone that you are attracted to is possibly your half-sister is a logistical nightmare.
Before terrible thoughts go whirling through your mind, take a few step backs and start to check the facts before blowing this relationship.
My advice is to check her birth records to find out exactly who her father is. You need to ascertain whether the name, if it is the same as your father’s, actually is the same person or whether it is just an identical name.
If no name is listed, then you face a dilemma and require more information from her about her biological father.
This means that you need to get back in touch with this initial love interest rather than leave her hanging as though she is at fault. That’s not very gentlemanly of you to cut out all communication, as it will appear that you are ‘ghosting’ her.
Obviously slow things down, which will be tricky as you are in the enthrals of a new relationship. However, you may even find kissing this lady too much as your mind will be running wild about what is potentially the truth.
You haven’t elaborated why you believe that you share the same father. It’s best to find out more information from her. If you fail to establish enough facts, you should get a plan ready so that you’ll know the truth.
The best bet is to ensure that you start to know this lady’s mother. Once you have become trusted by her then I suggest introducing her mother to your parents (or just your father if they are divorced or separated).
Pick one evening for drinks somewhere elegant, like the Jamaica Pegasus on Knutsford Boulevard, so that they will all have the desire to turn up and dress up.
When together as a group you should be able to read the body language and whether there’s anything awkward between your father and her mother. They may have had a short-term dalliance many years ago, but they would certainly recognise each other. If there is an uncomfortable vibe in the air you’ll soon detect that.
You can always boldly pipe up at the initial introductions to your father, “Let me introduce you to (girlfriend’s name) and her charming mother, that I don’t think you’ve met before”. Any unease between them will become instantly apparent.
Should you unearth the fact that you and your girlfriend indeed share the same father, you may feel upset that you have lost her romantically. Yet you will have also brought the two of them together for a different kind of love that could wonderfully blossom.
If this woman is truly special to you, then you’ll be doing her a massive favour by bringing her love, joy and inner peace about her father.
Should both her mother and your father be single, then you may even have started the ball rolling for them to be reacquainted to such an extent that it could lead to a new and unexpected romance.
On the other hand, this rendezvous could end your worries about sharing the same father with your girlfriend and you can move forwards romantically. However, I strongly urge you to never reveal the real reason as to why you were keen for the respective parents to meet.
The fact that you have such similarities with this lady bodes well for the future, as common interests are a terrific foundation for a meaningful and loving relationship. The next step is for you to establish your aspirations and goals, so that you can both work towards them as a team.
Time will tell whether this lady could possibly be your soulmate or your half-sister. One way or another there should be heaps of love for her, both from you and/or your father, which will alter her mindset and hopefully make her happy.
At least if she’s your relative you can be protective towards her and will have the Greek form of love of Storge between you. This is an enduring and natural form of affection, which lacks the physical attraction that as sexual beings we heavily rely on. The relationship instead focuses on familiarity, and is often found between family members and close friendships.
Devote your time and efforts into patiently uncovering the truth to empower you with the next steps forward, and be grateful that some detective work will easily put your mind at rest.
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