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I’m in despair because I called out my ex-girlfriend’s name while I was intimate with my latest squeeze.
She pushed me off, walked out and I’ve not heard a word since. This was a fortnight ago and I think I have fluffed it.
Is there anything that I can do to rescue my relationship?
L, Manchester Parish
You have messed up, but this is quite a common issue and in some cases you can rekindle the relationship.
Her obvious conclusion would be that you are either cheating on her with your ex, or you still think about your former love interest because you aren’t over her.
Understandably she will be disappointed, deeply hurt and extremely saddened that the wrong name slipped out during intimacy. Some people, during such a state of euphoria, can be reminded of their ex.
Remember that two is a pattern in psychology, so whatever happens you need to eradicate the possibility of a recurrence. Not only will you feel highly embarrassed should it ever happen again, but you are likely to lose the respect and trust of your latest love interest.
Best to try to forget what has happened before and focus on the future. I personally trained myself to clear my brain and emotions of exes, so that I can start with a completely clean canvas on a romantic journey. It’s always best to shake off your ex once and for all.
Should you still remember your sex life with your ex then that is very problematic. If you can’t forget her between the sheets then you need to conjure up the things that you did intimately but completely change your moves. By undertaking new and fresh intimate moments will result in you never being reminded of your past.
Although you’ve deflated your latest lady, causing insecurity and jealousy, then you need to comprehend just how hurt she must feel. It’s best to play the waiting game and rely on her desire for you building up until she contacts you. However, she may not be a forgiving person.
If she makes contact with you then after your big apology show some empathy, rather than be defensive or dismissive of the pain she felt. By validating her feelings it will prove to her that you are a caring man and accept the mistake you made.
If she wishes to discuss the matter, which would seem unlikely as it sounds as though she is either sulking or has walked out of your life, then you have to give her reassurance about your ex.
I urge you to ensure that the ex whose name you called out is no longer in your phone in any shape or form. Her number needs to be gone, her photos need to be deleted and any form of contact is blocked. Otherwise you will look as though you are still hung up on this ex.
You need to convince this lady that she is the only one. Explain that although you don’t wish to compare her to your ex you need to set the record straight. Make it clear that this lady is better than your ex in every way possible. Don’t make any references to looks, just characteristics and personality.
The fact that you’ve had zero communication with this latest lady doesn’t bode well, and you have to set a sensible deadline to appreciate that she has given up on your relationship.
In the meantime I would urge you to start writing a list of things that you miss about her. Give it a title that states What I Love About (insert her name). Just add one aspect to the list each day, and put this on the fridge with a photograph of her smiling. This list will build up, and so will your respect for her.
If she’s worth waiting for then do hold off dating any other women, just concentrate on this special lady. Should she come back into your life then you can show her the list and photo on your fridge.
If you reach your personal deadline of say two months and still not a word from her then it’s best to give up hope.
However, as a parting shot send her a photo of the list on your fridge. This is your last chance with her to rescue the relationship. Should she respond favourably then you can start the relationship from scratch, so start being romantic. If nothing still then at least you know it is done ‘n’ dusted, so can move on having learned from your massive mistake.
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