Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
There’s bad blood between me and my ex-boyfriend as he saw me dancing with my new partner. After four years together we parted on good terms.
He surprisingly sent me rude texts as he was jealous. I ignored him and blocked his number. He then sent abusive emails, again I felt obliged to block him.
I’m upset by his actions and want to tell him off, but I’m torn as to whether this will open up a can of worms and he’ll keep being mean.
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It can be heartbreaking to see someone that you desired and loved for years with someone else, but that’s part and parcel of relationships.
The green-eyed monster of jealousy is never good. To be frank he should have been a gentleman and delighted for you. If he had been a soulmate to you then of course he would be happy that you are happy.
His actions mean that you have not lost a soulmate, just a man that you were once in a relationship with you seemingly only cared about himself.
Although in a perfect world it is terrific to remain friends with a former lover, overall it is best to simply push them away so that you can move on emotionally and romantically.
Even though this may be a new man for you that you were seen with, it is ill advised to ever return to the arms of a former partner. This is because any future relationship will only be a diluted version, so it is very likely to be unable to offer the same sort of thrills that you originally experienced.
If your former boyfriend has not got the decency to wish you well with your new romance, then it is his problem and not yours. Should you make contact with him then he’s most likely to continue being abusive about your new relationship.
It sounds as though you have moved forwards, yet he hasn’t. You are obviously best to avoid any former haunts that the pair of you visited, as you won’t wish to run into him.
You are wasting your time getting in touch with him, as he is only being selfish and trying to hurt you with his unkind words. You have nothing to gain from making contact with him, and he may believe that you are reaching out because you care about him. This would give off the wrong signals, so clearly forget him entirely and concentrate on your new life with this ex-boyfriend.
If he had truly loved you then he wouldn’t have been mean-spirited, so your break-up was the right decision regardless of why it occurred.
Remember the Jamaican expression of “Negative energy is a waste of energy”. You don’t need his negativity bringing you down nor impacting on your future romantic life.
Focus on the future, try to erase his mean comments and it is his loss rather than yours because of his bad behaviour. Of course there’s respect that you had four loving years together, but many relationships run their course and cannot be rekindled.
Better behaved men are out there who will always put your happiness first, so only seek these types for a potential relationship. It’s easy to sift through the good ‘uns and the bad ‘uns, because those who show little respect towards ladies will constantly moan about their ex-girlfriend and live in the past.
You are now in a good place and worthy of finding a man who cares for you. Look for one who is attentive, respectful and easily brings a smile to your face, as he will bring you long-term happiness, joy and hopefully true love.
Just because your former beau can’t move on doesn’t mean that you can’t. Forget the past, instead live and love now and for the future.
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