I Keep Straying But It’s Out Of Character – Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
My love for my partner of eight years has hit a blip.
She doesn’t know that I was briefly involved with a work colleague for a physical relationship last year, and I met someone new last month that I’m heavily involved with.
This is out of character for me, and I’m flummoxed as to what lies in store. Please help guide me.
A, Ocho Rios
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It certainly sounds like you’ve got the seven-year itch, which is when someone gets their head turned following seven years of being in the same relationship.
For the majority of people this is just a blip, and they don’t follow through. However, you’ve gone full throttle and into a couple of intimate relationships. Getting involved with work colleagues can potentially be dangerous, but that’s a completely different dilemma.
The fact that you are hiding these two ladies from your partner means that you realise that it’s wrong of you. Being deceitful is never a good trait, and if you start hopping from one relationship to another you will never be totally satisfied, plus in the end alone. Is that what you want?
You need to show more resolve if this recent behaviour is out of character, and consider how your partner will feel should she find out about you playing the field.
I suggest that you also think about how you would react if the roles were reversed and she had gone behind your back with two different men. I would imagine that you would hit the roof, argue and break up.
If your heart is no longer with your lady, for whatever reason, then the kindest thing is to end the relationship rather than sneak behind her back. You are potentially holding her back from finding her true love and total happiness.
It sounds like your partnership has gone stale, and that you wanted the same sort of excitement and intimacy that you first experienced with your lady. Over time many relationships waiver and the initial physical attraction dies down, which is natural. But a loving partnership is far more than just being in the bedroom, and as a man you are being led by physical satisfaction rather than the overall picture of love and romance.
If you really love your partner, then the first thing to do is to put your blinkers back on and avoid flirting with any ladies. Certainly do not get involved with any women, and show your commitment to your lady.
On the other hand, if you are genuinely unfulfilled by this relationship and want to find someone special then you of course draw a line under what you have. Gently break off the relationship, and don’t tell her that you’ve been unfaithful. Instead tell the truth about the wondrous moments and how you will treasure those memories.
If she wants to fight to save the relationship, then at least listen to her and see if she is right. Unfortunately, it could all turn nasty if she gets angry and she may unleash a torrent of horrible words at you. You need to take everything on the chin.
I cannot condone your behaviour of straying from your long-term partner, but I fully understand the reasoning behind it and can only advise you to focus on the future.
What do you ultimately want? Do you seek sexual satisfaction from a string of ladies who show interest in you? Or do you want to be in a loving relationship with a woman where there’s mutual respect?
Looks fade, but character won’t. Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship, but if you are just getting your head turned by younger versions of your current squeeze then one day these ‘upgrades’ are not going to be readily available and you will find yourself alone. Consider the two routes and pick the path that you want.
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