Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I have been single for a number of years but I’m unable to find a partner.
To be honest I’m tired of trying and I don’t really know what else to do.
Michele, St. Catherine
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You may well be coming across as too desperate, so let’s get back to basics and start to show your worth as an attractive lady and a potential suitress.
You may be giving off the wrong vibes or be terribly insecure. So firstly you should ensure that you use some simple body language tricks when you meet a man that interests you romantically.
Always point your body and toes towards a possible suitor, which offer subconscious cues that you are interested in him as more than friends.
When you look up at any man who is not much taller than you then flash your sweetest smile and tilt your head slightly forward. This simple action mimics the view that he would get if you were much shorter than him.
Also, make sure that you are not crossing your arms nor leaning away from him, as these would give off vibes that you have little interest in him.
Once you have garnered some interest from him, then follow the classic male-female psychology of letting him chase you without playing hard to get.
Those women who look too desperate tend to ask the man out or by constantly making contact first. You need first to grab his attention to hook his interest.
Men are visual creatures, so you need to try to make him see something he likes without looking tarty. I will be honest and admit that the majority of men are easily pleased by female attention, and most are flattered when a pretty face shows any interest.
But you have to go a step further and make any man appreciate your worth to him, so that he values you and eventually you are so important to his happiness that he cannot wake to spend time with you.
Any lasting relationship is built on affection first, followed by romance and then it moves to the sexual connection over time.
You may be one of those difficult to please ladies, who expect to fall in love at first sight. I meet so many women who demand this instant attraction, otherwise they will dismiss the man. Yet these ladies have been single for over a decade and, unless they change their attitude, will remain single for the rest of their life.
It takes time and effort working towards a long-lasting relationship that is full of passion and respect.
You need to be confident with men, comfortable at approaching them to have an initial conversation and be able to show that you are fun without being dizzy.
If a particular gent interests you then flashing him a quick smile will show him immediately that you’re interested. This can be in the street, the supermarket, a bar or the beach.
Should he be keen on you, and keep looking in your direction, then the best step is to encourage whoever you are with to make you laugh. This becomes infectious and he will not only be perplexed by what is making you laugh, but he will see a happy lady.
Let your body language indicate that you are approachable, so keep your head high as you sit or stand straight and tall. Try glancing across to him and try to make eye contact.
The correct body language can make you desirable to him, and want him to make the first move. So let him start chasing you by sending the right signals that you are a valuable asset. Evolution attracts people to high-value partners.
Remember the adage of “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread”, so don’t let any excitement from you spill over into looking like you are desperate to find a suitor.
Men tend to smell desperation with ease. So even if he is bowled over by you, any signals that you are desperate can alter matters dramatically.
Just to clarify, appearing desperate is showing that you have a very great need to be in a relationship, any relationship. Then further down the line, your actions show that you are willing to do anything to change the bad situation that you two are experiencing.
If you have the desire to appear attractive then ensure that you never come across as clingy, lonely or pathetic. Otherwise any potential partner could run a mile.
However, it is not just about trying to stop being desperate, it is also about making sure that you avoid any actions that men will deem as desperate.
Some prime examples of appearing desperate include alway being available to date, being clingy, having low standards, making too much contact but worse of all pushing for a serious relationship early on.
Most men will test your boundaries at the start of a relationship, so don’t let him get away with overstepping the mark such as being a cheapskate, constantly late for dates and/or asking for naughty selfies.
When it boils down to reality, and the excitement of meeting someone is starting to evaporate, then ensure that you are the sort of lady who has more going on in life than just a relationship. Those who possess a full life tend to never worry about how to stop looking desperate.
If your goal is to find someone on a long-term basis then by being confident and laidback are definitely your best ways to stop looking desperate.
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