Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Why has my woman started to diss me and keeps causing arguments? It was smooth sailing for almost two years. But now she keeps shouting at me that I tricked her and tells me that I will never change.What should I do?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
I think that she believes that she has rumbled you.
When you first met you were putty in her hands, for the simple reason that you wished to impress her.
Affection turned to romance and then intimacy, I should imagine.
While that initial sexual chemistry was there, then as a typical man you allowed her to believe that she was able to shape you as she always wanted to.
Although she may not have been terribly demanding, she probably would – like most ladies in a loving relationship – have tried to gradually change you. She would have been trying to shape you into what she perceives as her perfect suitor.
The majority of men go along with letting their partner truly believe that they are changing for the best However, this path that men tend to tread is extremely dangerous.
This is because men are only permitting their lady to think that are creating their personal perfect man. In reality the male is simply seeking an easy life, by that I mean there is little criticism from their woman, and also he is generally after sex.
Once the lady discovers that he has been disingenuous overall, then things take a turn for the worse.
Any woman with self-worth who has basically been made a fool of will make her thoughts of displeasure very clear. Sadly, friction begins to raise its ugly head and this becomes the start of the end of the relationship. This sounds like the current scenario for you.
Men tend to seek fun and frolics, whereas women want long-term commitment from a relationship.
The novelty of a loving partnership is likely to fade quicker for a man than a lady, and he will stop becoming the man that his partner thought she was creating.
A tweak is viable for any man, and learning to compromise is important. Yet men usually like to take control after a while, and so the power struggle begins.
This seems to be your situation as the lady can see your flaws that she she didn’t originally see. And men have rose-tinted glasses at first, especially if the relationship had moved to the physical side.
Once a man can generally be intimate as and when he wants, then the chase is over and the relationship can wilt at a rapid pace.
Part of the thrill of a new partnership is the chase and being able to maintain the sexual spark.
Men, as visual creatures, often get bored of the same lady after a certain amount of time – which can range from a month to around three years. They then realise that they do not wish to be forever in the arms of just one woman.
That is, to some men, the equivalent of stating that they must have the same breakfast every day. Men may be creatures of habit, but some variety is required if they get bored of the same breakfast day after day after day. And it is the same with their lady in a relationship.
So men will become complacent and stand their ground about changing to please their lady.
This pattern is very common, and so the women will see through his trickery that he has conned her that he will change into her perfect man. I suspect that your lady has already been using the expression “You’ll never change”. And she is quite right.
Your options are straightforward. Either admit that you cannot become the man she wishes you to be, in which case you can rescue your relationship. Alternatively, you can walk away and find someone else to love, but this will be a recurring theme for you.
If you envisage this lady to be “the one” then you must alter your attitude and comprise over her wishing to change you.
Verbal communication is of paramount importance if you truly wish to stay together. Talking about why things are not terrific can smooth over the cracks in your relationship.
However, if you no longer have the desire for this lady then this is an effective way to break things off. Or suggest taking some time out.
Your act is over, so either leave the stage or remain for an encore.
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