Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
There are three women in my romantic life and I now want to just have only one.
How do I choose the correct lady? How do I let the other two go without hurting them?
Anthony, Kingston 10
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Betrayal, and the pain that it causes, is not something to be taken lightly.
To overcome this hurdle of letting go of two ladies that you deeply care for needs to be sorted asap. However, your first decision is which woman do you want to keep in your life?
I would be so bold as to suggest that you gradually stop seeing all three ladies.
The fact is you only feel whole, happy and strong by being involved with this trio, and each serves an individual role. For example one may be kind, caring and motherly towards you while another is the fun-filled friend and the last one is all about a physical relationship.
You should take a careful look at what each woman individually offers, and ask yourself whether just one of them could fulfil you in all three departments?
To be frank you know that deep down you are only really interested in each lady for a certain need in your life. This is extremely selfish behaviour by you, because they all probably believe that you are in love with them and deeply appreciate their love and devotion.
For you to earn the loyalty and support of a good woman takes time, yet you are taking each lady for granted at the moment. You are not worthy of any of them, and they should not be expected to settle for anything less than 100% loyalty from you.
Just because you don’t seem to value these loving relationships does not mean that these ladies have to be used by you. Maybe you feel so desperate about being loved that you need the reassurance by initially having three of them at your beck and call.
If any of these were the perfect lady then you would not need the other two around, as you would give all of your attention to the one. So in response to your question of which one of these to concentrate on, the answer is actually none of them.
This has been a massive learning curve, and you still need to get yourself out of this emotional mess. Take the best assets from each lady and, on your quest for a meaningful relationship, ensure that your suitress offers absolutely everything you need. Otherwise, the next time you date seriously you could stray once more.
But now you have seen the light, and want to thrive romantically, then the solution is for you to start respecting the fairer sex. If you genuinely wish to forge a healthier relationship next time then your blinkers need to be on. There are a plethora of careful decisions to be made before embarking on a romantic journey.
Before you can truly love someone then you must feel complete in your own sense of self-worth. Learn to love yourself and give out positive vibes in order to attract the right lady. Thankfully every woman is unique, but I suggest that you look for the three main assets that you associate with your current crop of ladies that you are involved with.
When you find yourself single, which you will because you must let down all three ladies, you should avoid going just for looks. That would be a costly error of judgement.
Of course you need to find a lady attractive looking, but don’t be fooled by just her clothes, hair and looks. It is imperative to look under the bonnet and discover what this woman is really like. Otherwise things could soon go dark very quickly after you have had your initial fun and frolics.
Rather than blindly choose your new partner, I would try to get insights and perspective from your close friends about each woman whenever there is mutual attraction.
On this occasion then you have mischievously led each lady a merry dance. Although they are special in their own way to you, now is the time to admit defeat in order to suddenly find yourself single and focus on the future.
Generally speaking ladies have superior assets to men in terms of compassion, empathy and intuition. Bearing that in mind you are left with a number of options.
– Ask to go on a break, and be the good guy by suggesting that you are willing to stand aside in support of her long-term happiness so she can concentrate on children/family/hobbies/work.
– Be honest and tell each woman that the relationship was perfect at the start, but you believe it has run its course. You could be pleasantly surprised if she agrees to call time on your romance.
– Be courageous by telling each lady that you have betrayed them, but that is going to leave them angry and hurt so is ill advisable.
– Rely on her intuition, so she knows that being involved with you on a long-term basis is a mistake and dumps you.
– Start dropping in the name of a former flame, planting the seeds, until she finds the sense of competition too much and gives you the heave-ho.
Being involved with three ladies means you are betraying each one and playing with their emotions. Can you find it in your heart to commit and remain true to just one in future?
You have to determine whether one of the current crop can cut the mustard, or whether a new lady is required in time to fulfil you emotionally and physically.
At the end of the day, only one happy woman is the path to our own sense of happiness.
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