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Before COVID-19 I attracted fun, busty women by modelling my look on the island’s dancehall kings. I have seen so many movies over the past two years when the best dressed men always get the sexy women, even the spoof spy character Johnny English. Should I try my luck with a more sophisticated look as now I want to land myself a wife?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Dancehall music, which originated in the late 1970s in Jamaica, is part of Caribbean culture and has always been associated with raunchy, vibrant outfits.
Skin is viewed as stylish by women at these dancehalls, for the simple reason that these ladies were traditionally viewed as objects of pleasure due to the lyrics that dancehall introduced last century.
Yet to this day ladies still team up with others to form dancehall model and modelling posses. They regularly compete with rivals by sporting outrageous sexy outfits, flashy make-up and over the top hairstyles.
Women are trying to be eye-catching on the dancehall floor, with X-rated outfits commonplace to try to attract the attention of men.
While women’s dancehall costumes often leave very little to the imagination, the men are donning everything oversized – clothing, jewellery and vehicles – to try to make an impression on the ladies and to their friends. And it sounds like this is what you have been doing.
So the dancehall activities, mainly in Kingston but scattered all around the island, are simply a chance for many to find a sense of unity and role play that they belong to the upper class.
As dub poet Mutabaruka expressed: “If 1970s Reggae was red, green and gold, then in the next decade it was gold chains.”
As men are visual creatures then an eyeful of skin revealed by a woman’s outfit will be a massive turn on, and coupled with the music then it becomes hypnotic for many. That is part of the thrill as to why men will embrace being part of a “crew” and dress the part – complete with over the top bling – when they visit a dancehall.
Understandably, the typical sort of woman who regularly goes to a dancehall may not be ideal future wife material. Yet these ladies are just enjoying life and dressing the part to escape the struggles of daily life.
If you want to seriously settle down and find a wife, then yes you are correct. You need to ditch visiting dancehalls to get your fix of seeing semi-clad women. Instead you must concentrate on discovering ladies that tick your box as potential long-term partner material.
You have to stop being a hype-beast, which is following the latest fashion trends in dancehall/streetwear. Tricky to do as this has become an expensive habit and your friends will still be going to dancehalls.
On the other hand you do not need to start dressing like a James Bond or Johnny English movie character to attract the ladies. However, you do have to make the very best of yourself.
There is no need to splash the cash on upmarket clothes and accessories, just stick to smart casual attire. These outfits need to reflect you, not so much your job, as a confident man. But more importantly you need to feel comfortable in these clothes.
It is down to you whether you will opt for a look of casual (weekend attire), classic (polished) or preppy (inspired from upper class sports like golf, polo, riding, sailing, tennis etc).
But to determine your signature look you should also consider the type of future wife you would like. Ideally is she athletic? Bohemian? Geeky? Grunge? Sophisticated?
If you are going to be moving away from chatting and dating dancehall/streetwear ladies, then you also have to up your ante not only with a new set of clothes, shoes and accessories (bag, jewellery, sunglasses etc) but by ensuring that your conversation is appropriate.
It is useless trying to portray yourself as someone that you are not, so do not aim for a look that makes you look foolish among friends and family. Be realistic about the sort of lady that you would like to get to know romantically, and undertake your research so that you know where you can start meeting these ladies in the near future.
My advice is to firstly explain to your closest friends exactly why you want to stop visiting dancehalls. Tell them that you have had enough of getting emotionally hurt by short-term relationships with unsuitable ladies.
Fun and frolics are great until you are ready to grow up and potentially settle down. Do not be afraid to tell your friends that you are ready for a new chapter in your life, and wish to be with a long-term partner. Good friends will respect you. Others will ridicule you and not be supportive, which are exactly the kind of friends you need to rid yourself of as you build a new and improved life.
Those friends who care about you may be eager to join you visiting new places to meet a totally different sort of lady. If you can encourage one or two of your friends to also consider a new look and different venues for meeting ladies, then you will be making huge strides forwards to a settled life.
Ensure that you work out your value to a potential new partner, by calculating what you can offer her emotionally, financially and romantically. Once you know what you can offer, the sort of lady that you desire and is attainable, then it is time to transform your wardrobe.
Whether you prefer casual, classic or preppy you need to make sure that you invest in a handful of smart jackets. These are not only your armour that you wear on a regular basis, but these help to attract ladies. A smart, well-fitted jacket is the male equivalent of a lady in sexy swimwear.
As you already have some bling and sportswear from your dancehall days then there is no need to throw these away, maybe mix and match some of it to make a dullish outfit come to life.
The hard and fast rules relating to bling is to ensure it does not make a noise when you are out and about. But more importantly, never wear more bling than your date.
It will be the small details that matter to these more sophisticated ladies, such as your grooming regime, your haircut, your scent, your sunglasses, your wallet and your watch. So deal with these as priority, and the rest of your wardrobe will come organically.
I urge you to take mental notes of what looks good on other men at these new places you start to frequent, and buy these items of clothing gradually.
It could be a slow process transforming you, but with the support of a few close friends and not rushing into a relationship you can potentially find long-term happiness.
Ladies will soon begin to notice you are confident and happy, which offers you an incredible opportunity of finding a loving partner for a long and meaningful romance.
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