Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I am not blowing my own trumpet but I have long legs, a very pretty face and a slim figure. Naturally I want to find a boyfriend.
Meeting men is a problem because they assume that I am already taken or that I would not date them because they do not look like a model too.
What do you think I should do to change this problem?
Lisa, Forest Hills, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Those ladies blessed with exceptionally good looks are often discarded by men, who wrongly assume that either they must have a super hot boyfriend/husband or would only date someone on the same level in terms of looks.
Female models in particular have problems in finding a suitor, not only because of their good looks but also because of their height. Globally the majority of men prefer not to date a taller partner, so that limits the potential partners for these models.
It takes either a truly confident gentleman, a drunkard or an arrogant man to approach and flirt with a truly beautiful-looking lady. This too discounts plenty of potential partners, which seems to be your current situation.
You obviously know at your age how to deal with the drunkards and be dismissive towards cocky men. But how do you cope with the super confident men and where do you meet them?
In-built confidence in a man is a major asset, which women find devilishly attractive. Yet only as long as he is genuine, and does not cross the line of being full of himself.
If you meet such a man then you are likely to swoon over him and initially hang on his every word. That is great, but after a while his flaws will become apparent Then it is up to you whether you can either live with these, alter him or are best to go your separate ways.
Remember that most men tend to let their lady believe that they are happy to alter them. This is what men want women to think for an easy life, and it ultimately makes the lady feel happy.
The reality is that men do not particularly wish to be changed, especially those super confident ones.
If you wish to find a meaningful relationship then you may have to accept the super confident men warts and all, which you can tweak but not alter overall.
Should this be acceptable to you then you need to up your game by visiting places where these type of men hang out. These include golf clubs (Caymanas Golf Club and Constant Spring Golf Club), horse racing, Kingston Polo Club, tennis clubs and the Royal Jamaica Yacht Club.
The Liguanea Club and the Pegasus Hotel, both in Kingston, are upmarket establishments that attract a certain type of clientele who generally will not lack confidence.
As you sound pretty confident too, then bear in mind that this is 2021 so there is nothing wrong with a lady making the first move by flirting. Some men will not like this as they feel emasculated, others will believe it is wind up yet those who are comfortable in their own skin will be delighted. It is the latter that you should focus on.
If you approach a man that you find physically attractive then it should be fairly easy to soon have him eating out of the palm of your hands.
The male species relies on visuals to guide them. So as a good-looking lady you have a head start, but equally you can scare off men who fear that they are not on the same attractiveness level.
Glamorous female film stars are an example of what does work for a loving relationship. They can be feared for their good looks and/or high position that they have attained.
Yet once they have made it to the top they want to share the joy and their earnings with someone special. However, they tend to not be shallow but well-rounded except for one common aspect. That is the fact that when they enter a room they want to be the centre of attention.
This in turn means that a stunning film star will not wish to be outshone by her beau, and hence why glossy magazines and other media channels often refer to the boyfriend or husband as ordinary or ugly. This judgement is solely on looks alone and not his personality.
Ugly should only be used if the personality is hideous, not about someone’s physical appearance.
Obviously you wish to find a suitable man that you find attractive, but it takes time to love someone. Those components that you seek should take three steps by loving someone affectionately, then romantically and finally sexually.
If you can approach men to strike up a conversation without feeling awkward, even if it is just asking the time, for a light to a cigarette or where they got their scent from because you could not help noticing, then you have shown an interest. Men are easily led by a pretty face, so should be enchanted by you.
Yet should any man dare to be disdainful towards you then always ask where they got their shoes or shirt from. Patiently wait for their response and then embarrass them by thanking them as you were thinking of buying exactly the same for your father or grandfather.
You need to get yourself out there to places where there will be a mix of confident men and jerk. You are now equipped to deal with both.
Ideally grab their eye by standing near them within their peripheral vision, but not showing your entire face just your profile. Then catch a glimpse of them every now and then to give them a taster of you, the confident single men will smile or approach you – which makes life easier.
Take your time to build up a rapport and show your interest in them by touching their arm when they make you laugh or you want to reiterate something positive one of you said. Be as mysterious as you can during the very first time you meet, so that a date is required to learn more.
Once you have taken this advice and put it into practice, COVID-19 restrictions permitting, then the right sort of men will start talking about you in a positive light in their circles.
And the sight of you will turn the right sort of heads and attract conversations, which can ultimately lead to you getting your dating life back on track.
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