Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I wish to dump my girlfriend because she contributes nothing to our fairly new relationship and it feels like I’m single, how do I undertake this without hurting her? – Steve – Trelawny
Love Doctor’s Answer
It sounds like your emotional connection is on the wane if you consider yourself to be single in this relationship.
You don’t explain what element is missing from your partnership but often after the honeymoon period is over then either one or both of you feel drained – emotionally, financially and/or physically.
Breaking up is never an enjoyable experience for either partner, but around a special time in the calendar – Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day, birthday etc – can be a brutal experience however valid the action may seem.
Your relationship was a two-way street to begin with, and this appears to have altered as you proclaim that “she contributes nothing”. However, you have to take responsibility for allowing that to happen and a clear the air talk is best to tackle before there is a discussion about you potentially going your separate ways.
You will find everything clearer and less hurtful for you both if you can communicate face-to-face, each of you taking the time to evaluate what has gone wrong and whether your problems can be rectified.
If you want to be the good guy, and also not hurt her, then you should give her some positive feedback about what you loved about her initially and then explain why you feel it is all going pear-shaped. Suggest that a break is required, and see what her train of thought is because she could easily be behaving differently towards you because she wants out.
As long as you don’t provoke her into being the one who ends things, and obviously don’t consider meeting any other ladies until this rocky relationship ends, then breaking up will not be as daunting as you imagine.
My advice is to set out a plan. You need to challenge her in the nicest possible way as to why the relationship has deteriorated when it is so new. Feedback from her will explain where you have failed to live up to her expectations too. You can openly discuss whether there is the possibility to improve the relationship, and if there is no solution then entertain what would happen if you were on a break and also if you split up.
I would advise that such a delicate matter as wishing to discuss a break-up is avoided by any other means other than in person, as then you can both react with your respective body language, eyes and voice. However, try to be in a public place so that neither of you will feel trapped nor will overreact.
It is best to be honest by explaining that your heart is no longer in this relationship, and see if she feels the same way or whether she wishes to try to repair the relationship.
Should it end then you need to explain that you believe it is for the best to cut all ties on social media platforms so that you don’t prolong the inevitable agony from the relationship ending.
Best to thank her for all the fantastic memories, which you should reiterate will always be treasured, but explain that you need to no longer contact each other after the dust has settled a week later. This seven-day period offers you each the opportunity to ask each other questions and clarify the reasoning behind this heart-wrenching split, as well as gives you the chance to make a U-turn should you realise that you may have made a mistake in deciding to break up.
Many couples opt for a clean break, with time the only healer. Others remain friends, and will do so until one of you finds a truly special someone.
At the end of the day an unhappy relationship can easily damage your self esteem, so when you do opt for a face-to-face talk ensure that you communicate with clarity and kindness but be direct and honest without criticism and the time apart after a split is when you both need to detox.
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