LOVE AND DENIAL
I got up the following morning, sat up and stretched. I turned around and saw that Paul had already left. I didn’t even feel when he got into bed last night. The only sign that he was here was a note on the nightstand. It wrote:
I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful sleeping.
See you later.
I sucked my teeth and headed for the kitchen. Paul makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. How does he expect to keep a sexy woman like me who is full of life? I wanted to call him and shout at him. I was going 4 months without sex, wondering around in this big house all by myself like a mad woman. I felt single in my 30 years of marriage. I felt drained. There was no use arguing with Paul because all he would do is leave me more cash to go spend it with my friends. It did help, for a while at least but as soon as the money was done the fun went with it.
I took a shower and got dressed to go spend the day with my friend Mary. Spending time with her always took my mind off my lonely marriage.
On my way to Mary’s house I saw Kevin. He had on a black tank top and a black short pants. He was such an attractive young man. I waved at him and tooted my horn. He smiled from ear to ear and waved back at me.
I arrived at Mary’s house quickly. There was no traffic on the road. Upon arrival I blew my van horn to signal to her gate guy to open the gate. He too was a nice-looking young man. Mary said she liked him better than the one she had before, but I think I know why. She was always giggling and blushing when he spoke. I think Mary has a secret crush on her gate guy.
“How dido Darla?” Mary said as she stepped off her veranda to welcome me into her house. Her house was a small yet neat little house she inherited from her father. She lived there with her husband and two grandchildren whose mother died last year.
“Hi my good friend “
“How you and the heat?” I asked Mary.
“Boy it’s killing me!”
“I can’t wear nothing but a slip and bra a daytime”
I couldn’t control my laughter.
“You sure a the heat make you dressing like that, or is the healthy young boy that you have at the gate?”
“Well at least I have someone to at least look at and full my eyes.”
“Where is Paul? When last him look at you in your slip and bra?”
I felt embarrassed. Mary had a feathery mouth, and I couldn’t stand her sometimes, but she was my good friend. We grew up together. We have history so for that I always remained friends with her.
“Lawks ma! Mek you affi a do me so?”
“Paul more married to that damn company and divorce me long time.”
“Hush me dare, yuh know a so it go when them want all the money in the world.”
“Matter of fact let I shut my mouth cause a you did want rich man. Yuh never know rich man come with consequences???”
I waved my hand at her dismissively.
“Mary yuh talk to much man!”
“Mi diss a come yuh nuh.”
“Mek me breeze off man.”
We went inside the house and Mary poured me a cup of mint tea and served it to me with a tray of fry dumplings. I sat on the couch and placed my bag on the centre table. One thing with my friend Mary, her house was always clean. She spends more time cleaning this house than anything else.
“Dada wudda turn inna em grave if him see the house nah keep tidy” she often times says when I ask her to take a little break from the cleaning.
“So weh the one Paul him a deal with?”
“Him start behave yet?” Mary asked.
I sucked my teeth, looked at her sideways and cut my eyes.
“Missis is only the lingering scent of his cologne make a remember say Paul still lives there” I felt embarrassed.
“So yuh nuh search the car or him clothes for signs?” Mary asked.
“Search for what?” I asked even though I knew where she was heading with this conversation.
“U know, like lip stick stains or no sign of a female belonging”. She replied.
I clinched my teeth. I was afraid to search so I conditioned my mind to believe that Paul was just busy with work. One time I saw some red stuff on his shirt, but he had a good excuse. He said his co-worker whom he had helped with some work hugged him tightly and her lipstick stained his shirt. I didn’t tell Mary a thing because the entire circle would hear about it. I just couldn’t risk the embarrassment.
I stirred the tea slowly and watched every drop of sugar dissolve. I wanted Mary to shut up and mind her business. I couldn’t show her how annoying she was either; she is the only one that always has time for me.
“So you stop answer?” She said interrupting my thoughts.
I was gazing in thin air.
I hesitated before answering. ” Mary, Paul just loves his job. I trust my husband, he loves me.”
“Looks like anuh him job alone him love either but if u seh so missis” She sucked her teeth, got up and took the tray from me.
If I knew this lady would start this chatting about my marriage today, I would have stayed at my damn yard. Paul said Mary was just jealous that her husband had nothing to bring home besides loaves of bread and two packs of coffee. I was starting to believe him. Mary’s husband was a traditional farmer. He had an accident the other day so now all he does is hustle some yam and cocoa at the shop down the road. I sometimes have to help them out with money which is no trouble since I have an excess amount of it.
I tried to change the subject and asked her about Mass Ron’s funeral. Ron was a hardworking man from down South. He was loved by many. Such a shame that he had to go like that. He was struck by lightning one evening coming from his farm in the heavy rain. Leaving his poor wife and children to find the money to bury him. Things like these make me appreciate my Pauly Paul. We were fortunate.
Money can’t please her in bed.
Copyright @2021 by Shana Ledgister
IG : ledgy_da_writer
FB : Mz S Ledgister
Full book available on Lulu press, Amazon etc
Download The Jamaican Blogs™ App for your Android device: HERE
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]