I Feel Betrayed By My Friends Over My Partner’s Body Language – Please Help Me Love Doctor
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Question:
My galpals do not like my new boyfriend and claim that his body language is a turn-off. Each time I ask for an explanation they throw their hands in the air.
I need your advice about what bad body language to look for.
Marsha, Portmore
Love Doctor’s Answer:
I am sorry that your galpals are telling you this, but you need to determine exactly why they are mentioning his body language being such a turn-off. It could be a smokescreen as they may know something you don’t, with this term ‘turn-off’ used as an excuse to protect you.
First impressions do count, and it seems a real pity that your close friends are apparently getting bad vibes from this man’s non-verbal cues.
Your attraction towards him is probably based on his appearance, character, smell and the way he presents himself.
Ladies tend to be naturally attracted to men who ooze confidence and passion on top of leading seemingly exciting lives. If he lacks confidence, which can be easily tracked by a lack of eye-to-eye contact and/or poor posture, then this could be a reason why your friends do not seem keen on him.
They will probably be keen to see you with a stereotypical man who possesses the physical traits of offering a high level of testosterone. Those who stand out to the majority of women globally boast a reasonably muscular frame, big nose, a good height, a square jaw and small eyes.
However, men who smile more gravitate towards being cooperative and those who are easy-going yet particularly attractive to women are blessed with more feminine features like full lips, good head of hair, thin eyebrows and wide eyes.
Regardless of whether your boyfriend falls into one of these categories or not, the fact is that the initial physical impression can either be a turn-on or turn-off based on what happened on his first interaction with your friends. Non-verbal behaviour always plays a vital part on how attractive or unattractive a person originally appears, and most likely accounts for why you two are together romantically.
However, you want to know which bad body language cues to look out for because your galpals refuse to reveal what they deem as a turn-off. Let’s break it down to just the basics of eye contact, facial expressions, grooming habits, personal space, posture, touching and tone of voice.
Eyes | Monitor his eye contact. Refusing to look someone straight in the eye points towards lack of interest, although equally can mean lack of confidence. If his eyes are turned by your galpals or other ladies then this kind of creepiness of looking too much at a woman’s body or flesh can be a massive turn-off. I suggest you watch where his eyes wander when you meet up with some of your female friends.
Facial expressions | Negative faces – such as being cross, sad or scowling – are always a turn-off. I advise you to look out to see how he reacts when he meets your galpals to see if he is angry, downbeat or even trying to be seductive.
Grooming | A poor grooming regime screams a huge turn-off to most ladies. Dirty fingernails, sporting dishevelled attire, greasy hair, being sweaty and smelling badly are all clues that he urgently needs some TLC. Take a closer look at how he appears, and if necessary take him shopping for some men’s cosmetics and some new clothes/footwear.
Personal space | Maybe he intrudes on the personal space bubble of your galpals, which could make them anxious. As you desire closeness with your new beau then it is the total reverse for you and obviously oozes excitement. Check out if he is playing space invasion with your friends to make them feel uncomfortable.
Posture | Poor posture would point to the fact that he won’t invest much effort in your romantic encounters, or it could just be that he lacks confidence. Watch out for an awkward stance, nervous shifting and slumped shoulders.
Touch | Regulating when to touch another person is very important. If there is any unwanted touching towards your galpals by your boyfriend, then unless it is a tapped shoulder it is understandably likely to prove irritating. Equally you may not have noticed how he handles him, so keep an eye on whether he constantly rubs or wrings his hands, keeps his hands in pocket or gesticulates too much – all factors that could be alienating your friends.
Vocal tone | His initial encounter with your various galpals could be a further reason for them finding your boyfriend so repellent. Check his vocal cues to see if he clears his throat, has an irritating laugh, speaks too loudly or quietly, snorts etc.
My suggestion is to stop seeing him through rose-tinted glasses and access these seven categories to establish what may be causing such resistance from your galpals. Once you are armed with the relevant information then you need to modify his turn-off traits and then show your friends the new, improved man in your life.
There are a couple of important body language to cues to look for. If he is constantly adjusting his watch or jewellery this means he feels insecure. Furthermore, should he hold one of his wrists and raise it in front of his body this a sure tell-tale sign that he is feeling hurt or sad. Take these into account and ensure that you act accordingly.
I recommend that you consider trying a quick-fix ‘trick’ to help make him appear more attractive to your friends, just by buying him some cologne. Studies have shown that Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men has seen cheetahs, jaguars and tigers go wild for this combined smell of fruit, herbs, spices, sandalwood and vanilla. But a scent spiked with pheromones is obviously not your long-term solution.
If you cannot transform this man, and your friends still do not like him, then you need to work out whether continuing the relationship will prove beneficial to you on both a short-term and long-term basis.
I suggest that it is best to ask any suitable work colleagues and family members for their opinion following any remodelling required on your boyfriend, as you may discover that your galpals may simply be jealous that you have found love and there is nothing wrong with this man in the slightest.
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