Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I feel upset because I’m alone with no special guy, but should I worry about being single?
It’s just that all of my friends have been talking about what they got up to on February 14.
I’ve been career driven all my life and lost my job before Christmas because of COVID-19 cost-cutting at my workplace. I shared Christmas with my close family, who all have kids, and I’m in my early 40s with a big void in my life.
Am I just worrying because it was St. Valentine’s Day recently?
Q+A | Jenny, Montego Bay
Love Doctor’s Answer
During these turbulent times it is tricky to enter a new relationship, and with St. Valentine’s Day having just passed then your emotions sound as though they have recently been on a roller-coaster ride.
By having concentrated on a career rather than settling down and starting a family, you didn’t notice that you put all of your eggs in one basket until the shock of losing your job over the festive season.
This sudden change in circumstances, of no longer being fully focused on work, has opened your eyes and made you realise that there actually is a void in your life. Although you are in a fortunate position that this has happened at your age, as being in your early 40s is now more commonplace than you would imagine for having a baby, the big question is what exactly do you want next in life?
As you don’t have a steady partner, and currently no job, then you are understandably feeling confused and deflated.
Finding a new job and a potential partner appear to be your goals now. At least with the uncertainty of how long the coronavirus crisis will last offers you a perfect opportunity to tackle these two objectives in virtually the same manner.
My advice is to write a list, for both work and a man in your life, that outlines exactly what you are seeking. Read this and then compile a list of what you could offer these two. From the list of what you can offer, the first thing you should tackle is networking over catch-ups (telephone calls or virtual video chats) – with family, friends and former colleagues – so that they know you are available for romance and work.
With both of these you must not stink of desperation, so play it cool. And never take the first date nor job offer, just because you don’t wish to be alone or without an income. You are not seeking short-term achievements at your age, but long-term objectives, so showcase what you have to offer and be proud of yourself.
Romance is often difficult to find, because at the end of the day it is all about connection. Many people foolishly believe that when you meet someone new on a date that the spark has to happen immediately.
Although I’ve been fortunate to experience love at first sight, ask around those who are in established relationships and I would imagine that very few couples will tell you that it was love at first glance for either of them. Expectations are too high, not helped by the portrayal in movies and on TV of true love only occurring when it is immediate.
You no doubt boast a wealth of experience on the dating scene, so utilise this time away from working – that hopefully is only a short-term scenario – to establish what went wrong in previous relationships. By carefully examining what killed off your romances then you can learn some vital lessons in love, which will help make your next romantic relationship run smoother.
And the same goes with work, except this time instead of looking at what went wrong you should delve into what didn’t make you happy in the workplace.
Armed with all of this important information, relating to both career and romance, you will know what improvements can be made so that you can make proper progress.
So when Cupid’s arrow does strike, you will be fully prepared and ready to make a relationship work. Having been driven by your career in the past, decide whether work should take a back seat for a while to enable you to recharge your batteries and concentrate on finding that seemingly elusive special someone.
If by worrying something positive could be achieved, then of course I would recommend worrying, but it doesn’t. Instead I suggest you adhere to a traditional Jamaican expression, especially bearing in mind your current circumstances, which states: Negative energy is a waste of energy.
Your self-esteem may have taken a battering with both the loss of your job and being single on the world’s most romantic day of the year. Unless you care what others think, then your concern should purely about your emotional well-being as you make inroads towards an overall happier version of you in 2021.
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