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I’ve fallen for a really close friend of mine only to get stressed out and get into a argument with her. Now she won’t talk to me and has removed me from all of her social media platforms, so I’m hurt and missing her.
She doesn’t yet know I have romantic feelings for her and obviously telling her is going to be tricky. I don’t know what to say or do to make things right, please advise.
Waz – Jamaica
Love Doctor’s Answer
These are especially tricky times that we are enduring with the current coronavirus lockdown affecting social interaction, and understandably arguments are occurring more regularly as people find time to over-analyse actions and words.
Following this argument she’s made it blatantly clear that she wants nothing more to do with you, although this may only be a knee-jerk reaction. I can only assume that you touched a raw nerve or lashed out and said something personal that really offended her.
As she was your close friend then you should understand her actions and behaviour. I suggest that you try to recall when she reacted like this to someone, or ask mutual friends if they can remember when it happened to someone else by her.
If she is a mature and sensible person then she will be able to handle the situation with purpose, but you are currently confused by being stuck in no man’s land and forced to wait for her to make contact again.
Time is the only healer, so you are best to play the waiting game for her to make the next move or risk her potentially pushing you away completely if you try to make unwanted contact.
I believe that an indeterminable amount of time without contact would be good for both of you. If she can find it in herself to forgive you then you will hear in due course, but must take it slowly building up her trust and respect rather than delivering the fact that you have deep-rooted feelings for her.
You must build and stabilise the friendship first and try to subtly establish whether she has potential feelings towards you, as it would only then be suitable for you to discuss dating.
She may push you away again if she lets you back into her life, as most likely she seeks friends who are truly friends rather than people who have the desire to be romantically involved with her.
If it is unrequited love then that is a huge hurdle for you to clear and accept.
At the moment there is no glimmer of hope of friendship let alone a relationship, but rest assured that she will definitely contact you as and when she needs you back in her life.
However, if there is no contact then don’t force matters. You will have to accept that the friendship is irreparable and nothing will alter, her disappearing act is complete,
My advice is that you are best to ask any mutual friends about how she is doing, explain why you are asking and that you have been upset that she has totally cut off all contact.
Instead of worrying about the chance of rescuing the friendship, focus on how you will tackle your recovery of losing someone special. At least you have not lost your dignity by explaining your feelings for her and been turned down.
Best to write a list of the reasons of why you have developed feelings for her, and to also compile a list of what you believe you could offer her in a potential relationship in order to build up your self esteem.
You must focus your mind away from her, maintain calmness in the future when it comes to disagreements, relax more and think positively about other ladies that you know who could be better suited to the list of what you could offer a potential partner in a relationship.
All is not lost until the opera singer sings, but it is no use expecting a U-turn by this lady followed by her falling madly in love with you as fairy-tale endings are really only saved for the movies.
Instead of dwelling in the past about something that is out of your hands, now is the time to think about seeking someone else who is special enough to put a smile on your face.
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