Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m in turmoil after meeting a lady slightly older than me. I’m aged 37 and she’s 49. I thought she could be the one because she was my type.
But I’ve discovered that she’s self centred and insensitive, with her true personality now shining through of being cold and distant.
I’ve told her what I think about her, but her response has been to play the victim card and tell me that she won’t accept such disrespect.
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Being assertive and direct with some ladies can work wonders, but you need to always show the utmost respect however infuriating the lady in question becomes in a relationship.
You have been firmly put in you place, and probably didn’t like that, by her straightforward response and actions to your criticism.
You state that you are in turmoil, but there should be no confusion over this situation. You like this lady for her looks but not for her character, and as she is a dozen years older she probably knows exactly what she wants and what she doesn’t.
Furthermore, she should be more experienced in the romantic stakes, so she will most likely be seeking someone to spend good quality time together rather than be with a man who has the potential to give her grief.
It sounds as though the pair of you are yards apart romantically, despite you admitting that this lady “could be the one” just because she is your type. Yet that sounds more like lust than love from you, and the age gap may result in different attitudes towards love and romance.
The initial attraction has worn off for you as there is nothing positive you have to say about her, and that is extremely common because many couples try to impress in the early stages – which in turn makes them think that their partner is perfect. When the reality sets in, like it seems to have done with you referring to her as “self centred and insensitive”, then generally couples wish that they could turn back time – some to such an extent that they wish they had never actually met.
With her being cold and distant towards you, and perhaps others, could be the way she deals with people. Relationships need to be a two-way street, although neither of you should be treading on eggshells.
It sounds as though it would be a grave error of judgement for either of you to consider a serious long-term relationship, so my advice is to end your interest in her as soon as possible as you will be doing yourselves a big favour and avoiding heartache.
You should be seeking a completely different type of lady to fulfil you romantically, and I would suggest trying to find someone slightly younger or the same age would be more appropriate.
Looks fade with time, but character and personality don’t. So my advice is steer clear of this lady, as you already believe her traits are so off-putting to you. There will be no fairy-tale ending unless you two are involved in a love-hate relationship, which is never healthy.
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