Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I need your urgent advice about my lady’s dishonesty and how to split up with her without hurting her feelings?
When we were walking towards the supermarket on the floor I stumbled across an envelope with an address on it, and when I picked it up it obviously contained a lot of cash in notes. The address was the other side of town, but there was no stamp on it. As the envelope was near a car I placed this under the car windscreen.
When we were walking around the supermarket my girlfriend asked me what I thought was in the envelope. When I told her that it was cash she started cussing me and screaming, calling me “a fool” and telling me she believes in “finders keepers”. We got a cab back home with the shopping, otherwise she may have picked up the envelope with money if it was still on the vehicle. I’m shocked by her outrage because we go to church and I’m honest.
We’ve dated for almost two years and now that I’ve seen that she possesses a dishonest streak I urgently need to dump her. How do I dump her without calling her dishonest and mentioning this envelope as the reason for the split?
Roy – Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer
Your shock at seeing your girlfriend go against what both you and society considers honest has jolted you and made the relationship uncomfortable.
Understandably you don’t wish to cause a conflict with this lady, but do want to make a break from her because this dishonesty has caused you to suddenly feel disconnected from her.
Romantic relationships grow organically when partners are open to both providing and receiving feedback, but her reaction doesn’t bode well for the future. Accordingly, you’re adamant that her act to your honesty has brought down the curtain on you as a couple and that you believe the relationship is so fragile that it has now reached an irretrievable state.
As you highly value honesty then maybe you should consider telling her the truth as to why you wish to end your relationship, but this takes immense courage.
However, if you wish to spare her feelings as you value her then you face a challenge. I suggest employing this tried and tested method as a kinder method than being upfront and honest about why her ship has sailed.
My advice is simple, you need to constantly mention ex-girlfriends in a positive manner over the next few weeks at every opportunity. Women never wish to play second fiddle, and as your current squeeze sounds volatile it is only a matter of time before she becomes so exasperated with you that she explodes with more rage. This should result in her suggesting that you take a temporary break or she gives you the heave-ho.
My boyfriend and I had cross words a fortnight ago, which was over him being seen with another girl by my best friend. Since then I’ve been getting dozens of daily missed calls on my cellphone and landline, where someone hangs up because I don’t answer in time.
We’ve dated for 20 months and I’m hurt. Do I bite the bullet and ring him to sort out matters? Or do I wait for him to contact me?
Sandee – St James
Love Doctor’s Answer
It depends on how stubborn you are prepared to be. You mention that you argued and obviously haven’t seen each other since then, and I glean from your query that you aren’t texting either.
These calls are most likely to be from your boyfriend, who may be ringing to speak to you to try to put matters straight and explain why he was seen with another girl. If these missed calls are from him then at least he is showing interest, but more importantly he is respecting you as he believes that you need to have a conversation rather than leave a voice message.
It could be innocent with this woman, for example it may have been a relative of his. But it doesn’t sound as though he’s had a chance to tell you exactly what was going on. True enough many Jamaican men tend to be disloyal, but this doesn’t mean on this occasion he was.
Jamaican men are rightly one of the best sweet talkers in the world when it comes to romance, and many can charm the birds out of trees. So give him a chance if you still care.
My advice is to send him a message with the option of two different times when you can speak over the phone to try to clean up this mess.
The situation of a stand-off is not a good stance for either of your emotional well-being. So offer him an olive branch but plan to have your say and definitely explain how hurt you are, then listen to his explanation.
If you aren’t happy with his excuses then tell him that you want the break to continue for a couple more weeks. Should you continue to receive missed calls then you’ll know that he’s been bitten by the love-bug, ultimately leaving you to decide whether you can move forward with him or move on without him.
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