Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Dear Love Doctor:
My problem is a toughy. I recently met a cute Cuban medical man but we’ve only communicated through smiles.
I’d really love to get to know him, yet he speaks very little English and I only know the word ‘hola’ in Spanish.
There’s definitely an animal attraction from me – I don’t know if it’s his uniform, his sexy accent or what.
I understand that he’ll return to Cuba after this lockdown for coronavirus ends, and I don’t want to go to that island when Jamaica is my heart and home.
How do I follow my heart?
Melody – Port Maria
Love Doctor’s Answer:
He has turned your head probably because he is different to the usual men that you meet, but this sounds like unrequited love as you’ve never actually had a conversation yet you call it ‘animal attraction’ from you.
You need to forget this man, who has hopped across to Jamaica as a professional, and who could already be in a relationship.
Latino people have a certain look and persona and this appears to be the initial attraction for you.
It sounds more like a fantasy romance that you are seeking, so you cannot follow your heart on this occasion.
By putting up some barriers, like being adamant that you don’t even wish to visit neighbouring Cuba, makes this an impossible reality for a potential romance.
At least you won’t get hurt by getting over him. The majority of hormones (like noradrenaline and serotonin) involved in the process of love, especially in the early stages like this situation, only get you euphoric and pumped up about romance and will not cause pain.
As your heart and home are in Jamaica, you really require a man who is based on the island of the sweet cold breeze to fulfill your dreams and desires.
I started a passionate affair with a younger man last summer because I felt so lonely and neglected. My husband was working away as he has a high-powered job and showed no interest in me, even when he was home. He preferred to spend weekends socialising with friends rather than have an evening in with me.
We met when I was PA to one of his co-directors and I’m eight years younger than my 35-year-old husband. I gave up work when I had our daughter four years ago, but my husband leaves all her care to me.
The 31-year-old guy I had an affair with was landscaping our garden. He’s a physical guy and works outside with his shirt off, which was a real turn-on. He was sweet with my little girl, too.
We grew closer by chatting over cups of tea until one day, when my daughter was having a nap, we kissed. We couldn’t stop ourselves and had intercourse. We carried on having sex whenever we could, including evenings when my husband was away for work. I was falling in love with him but had to end the affair for my little girl’s sake.
My husband discovered a text from my lover when he was looking in my phone for the landscaping bill. We had some terrible rows, but he forgave me because he said he didn’t want our daughter to lose him.
Last Christmas he acted coldly and in his phone there were messages between him and a woman at work, and a booking at a country house hotel for when he had told me he was going to be overseas with work. Although I’ve cried and shouted so many times about this, he just throws my affair back in my face.
He’s mostly been working from home for the past two months and lockdown has been horrendous. Our daughter keeps crying because she picks up on the horrible atmosphere. But can we save our marriage or is it hopeless?
Debs – Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
The marriage as you know it has come crashing down, and the trust between you has been totally destroyed by unfaithfulness.
You are paying for your consequences of straying with the hired help, having your head turned by his semi-nakedness. The showing of skin is a sign of trying to be sexy, which is why certain ladies sport short skirts or skimpy outfits and men roll their sleeves up.
It was the right thing to do by ending the affair, because that seemed to only be lust rather than love. The fact that your husband earns a good income was undoubtedly another reason for you to stick with him. Yet he has now turned the tables on you, and probably only took a work colleague away to spite you – remember that he hasn’t admitted to an affair, so it may have been a legitimate work trip.
Your next step is to insist on arranging a dinner date with your husband, ideally somewhere where you used to date before you got married in order to trigger happy memories, and when there explain about your daughter bursting into tears.
He has already swallowed the bitter pill of your affair, and the reason you didn’t split up was because he values your daughter’s feelings and upbringing. Once he realises that your little girl is getting upset then hopefully he will take action and you two can start to try to repair the relationship, but ensure you ask him to spend more time with your daughter. No one wishes to suffer the pain of losing family.
You need to look at all the traits that attracted you to this man that resulted in marrying him and having a child together. Look at his hobbies and see what you two can do together, leaving your daughter with friends or family while you rebuild your romance.
A vacation somewhere, even if it is just a weekend, should be added to your short-term plans. You need to give him the attention he deserves by being the wife that you desire to be as it’s obvious that you want to save this marriage. He is likely to reciprocate this extra attention and affection, which will ultimately lead to a stronger marriage and hopefully you’ll both be happier.
Can you please help me find a good woman in my life who won’t take advantage of me and will push me to achieve more in my life?
I want a women to help me achieve something and show me loyalty. I also want children.
Undertaker – Mandeville
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Men and ladies are different, the Ying and the Yang basically, and you are asking for a lot from a lady that you’ve yet to meet.
There are plenty of good women out there who will help build a long-term relationship, where you look out for each other. But you are demanding one-way traffic and suggesting that it’s all about you, not as a partnership.
The quickest way to attract a ‘good woman’ is by becoming her equal, and ensuring that you can offer value to a potential relationship.
If you’re a weak man seeking a hard-nosed lady then naturally you’re going to feel that she is taking advantage of you because she is forceful. On the other hand, you are desiring a strong lady to help push you to achieve more yet you can’t have your cake and eat it as the expression goes.
Love and romance is all about building a connection, which is usually a slowburner, and you need to be more of a man by having some goals in life. There is no magic wand to be waved that produces your ideal lady, relationships have to be worked on and honed.
You must get stronger. Work out a realistic step-by-step plan on how you intend to reach your personal goals, like having children and improving your life, so that you can easily achieve something in life.
Remember that taking risks are the only real way to pay dividends. Start dating more and forget always aiming to meet your stereotypical lady, as it is obvious that pushy ladies have played a significant part in your life and therefore you believe a strong lady will swiftly improve you.
I would suggest you ask friends and family what you failings are then try working on those to achieve being a better man. But you can only better yourself if you have the desire to change. It’s unfair to ask a lady to devote her life to concentrating on you alone, it takes two to Tango so get out there and strut your stuff to attract a potential partner.
My best friend suffers from having a small penis problem. He’s tried all the aphrodisiacs in our supermarkets to ‘excite’ himself before going to a dancehall.
Now that we are in lockdown, he’s looking to save up and get an extension. Any advice for him?
Raymond – St Catherine
Love Doctor’s Answer:
As well as a vast array of aphrodisiacs in Jamaican supermarkets, there are apparently some remedies available from Chinese herbal stores that claim to improve the length and girth of his ‘instrument’.
He has taken the first step to accept that he suffers from SPS (Small Penis Syndrome) and surgery may be his kneejerk reaction for a quick fix, probably because he has time on his hands and has been entranced by the marketing schemes.
Before he considers going under the knife there are a number of potential solutions worth a shot, as the pills and potions from the supermarket shelves obviously have made little – if any – impact.
Being overweight and sporting an overzealous amount of pubic hair could give the impression that his penis is smaller than it actually is. If he is overweight his instrument may appear tinier than it actually is, the same applies because of his pubic hair.
Chinese herbal remedy stores, and there are plenty of those in Kingston, sell various oils to put on his ‘instrument’ but there’s no evidence to support the claims that these products work.
He could also try stretching his ‘instrument’ to gradually improve his size. The choice of these varies for hand exercises (search online for jelqing exercises), a penile extender (these take three months to start working), penis vacuum pumps (temporary measure) and penil traction devices (again only a temporary measure).
Do explain to your friend that penis enlargement surgery carries a risk of infection, scarring but most scarily the loss of functionality.
My advice is to consult a doctor before attempting the aforementioned suggestions. The doctor will likely point out that unless your friend has a defect or injury to his manhood then penile surgery is not a great choice.
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