Short Stories

The Jamaican Saga

And so it came to pass that in the land of the BANG BELLY NATION oda wise known as JAMROCK, oda wise called the Land of Wood widout water, dat in the year of our LORD 2015, year of the WOOD SHEEP ascording to the Chinese dem weh tecking ova, dat in di fuss Month of said year dat di DIVINE INTAVENTION SPECIALIST called Peter Bunting, oda wise known as di Ministah of National Security meck di people dem know seh dat by di end of said Month dem was to expect bout 100 murders.

And so it was dat di people dem start tuh murmur and said among dem self, “but is wha kinda mad man dis dough ehh? Suh him run outta prayers or wha? Di Divine Intavention nah wuck nuh”?

short story JamaicaAnd many people ole, young and in between tun dem eyes hup tuh heaven and lamented dat fada GOD was to please fix it as dem nuh know weh dem a guh duh. Cause if di man weh fi FIX it a guh throw up him hand dem and seh him might as well accept seh di bad man dem badder dan him, dem might as well teck it to JESUS in prayer fi demself. Cause it look as if di Bunting man nah talk loud enough wen him a pray fi DIVINE INTAVENTION, or JESUS tired a him now.

And in dat same month di ONE RASTA youth Damion Crawford weh inna di Govt. WHAT NOT, oda wise called CABINET, look like him smoke some serious weed, cause once him did open fi him mouth, him could not stop talk, much to di point weh him seh di young people dem fi guh a Foreign guh wuck and send di dem money back to di Bang Belly nation through Western Union or Money Gram, cause only dose kinda money can help di economy saka how di Jamaican money nuh have no value, and nuh green grass nuh dung deh, grass dry hup and a dead.


Not many of di people dem in di Govt. WHAT NOT oda wise called CABINET was too happy wid dat talk, and many tell him seh a betta him cut off di locks, and become a priest suh dat him can stop chat rubbish and meck di QUEEN of di WHAT NOT look bad.

It also came to pass that in dat same Month di beauty queen Ministah of Youth Lisa Hannah meck di people dem know seh as much as she cannot manage her job, as long as she have har sexy body, dat is all dat matters, and all di people dem weh have a problem wid it juss bad mind har fi har looks and body.

She meck dem know seh as MINISTAH OF YOUTH it is har priority fi look youthful and guh pon INSTAGRAM guh defend di body and di face weh massa GOD bless har wid. It came to pass also dat di MINISTAH of Health Fenton Ferguson was found to be needing SERIOUS MENTAL EVALUATION, because anybody weh coulda seh dat di rest a di world bad mind Jamaica fi dem Health care System muss a smoke some serious bad weed, cause a Health Care System weh Hospital nuh even have bed, and people ha fi a buy dem own medical supplies, no body inna dem right mind could not admit seh people really a guh bad mind dat deh system.

And during all dese tings di queen deh pon har throne and nuh faat pon a soul, she did tell dem long time seh she nuh fraid a nuh GAL OR BWOY, and saka how fi har plane always ready fi teck off, as long as she have har credit card inna har hand bag, dem coulda deal till JESUS come SHE NUH CARE.

Furda more if dem meck she ha fi flash har head one more time wen she a talk and meck har wig shiff, a di MILITARY she a guh meck fix dem business. Suh if dem know weh she know every body betta fix hup demself inna di what not, and di bang belly people dem betta shut dem backside, cause afta all is DEM PUT HAR DERE and she not leffing.

Suh dat lickle brown skin fellow called ANDREW can SHUFFLE and RESHUFFLE all him want, HIM WILL NOT SEE DAT CHAIR. And so it was dat di fuss Month of di year of di WOOD SHEEP ended wid MISSA CHIN as di new runner of tings inna di bang belly nation. SELAH

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