When someone likes you, hooking up is very easy, comes naturally but if you have to be jumping through hoops to get someone’s attention then the feelings may not be mutual. A smart female can over analyse a situation at times but when a prospective partner frustrates you, causing you sleepless nights you are definitively chasing someone who is running away from you. A relationship this stressful in its formative stage is bound to be toxic when it matures. They say good things don’t come easy but some things are better off left alone.
It would be nice if dating was easy, if women did not have to scheme and use various stratagems to pinpoint a man’s emotions and if a female could simply tell a man what her intentions were. ” I like you, I want to be with you and I would not mind if it was forever”. Simply instead of playing these games and then men figure it out. They know that ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and albeit you say you like him without expectations, he knows that you want to marry him and have his baby. He sees through the facade you put up and that is why despite a girl’s “tough chat” she ends up sleeping with the player she swore to keep away from. Female emotions are transparent and men know which buttons to push. You cannot say that you don’t like a man and yet you cannot go a day without texting him. He knows you like him, he is just baiting you, waiting on the opportune time to reel in the big fish. It is not just corporate men with matching academical success that are good at these games but the simple man on that street whose swagger is simply domineering, the alpha in his own right whom one simply cannot resist.
Men have long known to use our insecurities to their advantage. A successful, intellectual woman sometimes gets carried away talking about how many degrees she has to some hot man she likes not realizing that she is boring the hell out of him. She might say that “Well he is bored because he cannot match her intellect and yet she finds a man who does the same thing to her as arrogant and tedious”. It will not be long before she probably falls for the same game plans women she considers dumber than her have fallen prey to. Men know that every female has an ultimate relationship fantasy and successful women like nothing but a challenge. “The more you tell a successful woman she cannot have a man, worse if she thinks he is beneath her, the more she will chase him. Her entire life was created on achieving and collecting trophies, proving to others that she is worthy.
If you are a successful woman, having a degree and a good job are great qualities, more than what most women possess but a man will see you as a woman first and everything else after. You might dismiss the need for a man in your life and yet you are holed up in your mansion reading ” Steve Harvey’s Think Like A Man”. You do not have to dumb down, you do not have settle, you just have to learn how to make the men around you feel less inferior and insecure. Yes it is not your job to build their self esteem but have you ever been in company of a man that just turned you off without taking away anything from his overall value? He is still GQ sexy but everything about him is just ‘off’! Next time you’re with someone like that, think about it!
I have found that being honest about your intentions, frees a woman from male manipulation, you tell a man exactly what it is you are looking for instead of playing the whole courting game trying to find out or convince some player to get into a committed relationship by flashing your resume before him. There are women who are successful but are unable to attract men because like Oprah Winfrey they lack sex appeal. Men are more attracted to their status than to their bodies and they end up dating men who only want their money and not them.In the end most men see them as prospective conquests instead of potential partners.
Tear down that tougher than nails exterior, yes you might get your heart torn to shrapnel by some handsome philanderer by being a little vulnerable but you are big girl therefore you will live. If anything it will make you tougher. For every male who breaks your heart, you learn what not to do in a relationship and what types to stay the hell away from. You are not being asked to lower your values, your standards have not changed, you are simply approaching dating in a more realistic manner where men cannot use your insecurity as leverage against you.
Remember in dating it is never about why a man is not doing this or that or why he is treating you a certain way? It is always about why you have allowed it. A man can do so much as you allow him to do without consequence. No amount of education can hide your psycho-emotional flaws from a man. If the truth about what you desire chases him away then he should not have been anywhere near you in the first place.
What independent women should do is shift the game up.Men do not fall for that Alpha female mantra of being tough because there is nothing that a man likes more than a good hunt. He knows the minute he gets you to talk about yourself and you start on your autobiography and curriculum vitae that he has you wrapped around his finger.
Stop talking about yourself before you share too much with him and get mind sexed thinking you are bonding when all you did was shared your life story with a total stranger who you still knows nothing about. Use your sense of humor, get him to laugh and open up about himself and share snippets from his life. Stop comparing yourself with other women about what you have and what they don’t, you could learn a thing or two from those basic females you look down on who manage to get what they want from men while you struggle to maintain a contact with an average guy.
See your dating situation for what it is. Do not become caught up in the future relationship of ‘okay he is gonna change or okay am gonna make him love me’. If he is not putting in any effort now, what makes you think he is gonna change when you seal the deal. Save yourself some heartache and admit that you want a relationship and demand that he tells you what his real intentions are. Let him know that you would rather a choice to be in a less desirable situation than be duped into thinking this “situationship” was heading for a marriage. You will be surprised at how men open up and tell you exactly what their intentions are. The truth might hurt but it will set your free.
It is what it is. If he ain’t calling, texting and maintaining contact, he is not interested period. Women need to face the truth, we say men are liars but men are always showing us what they are up to, we are just too busy daydreaming to concede our realities. Try to be introspective, if you are having a male issue, the problem may not be with men, it might be with you. Moreover you cannot keep dating the same type of men and expecting different results.
Try something new nuh.
Quote:“A woman’s responsibility is to prepare to be found. She was not made to initiate! The man must actively pursue her. In fact, he will enjoy the chase as much as she enjoys being chased! I would argue that there isn’t a shortage of good men. Rather, there is an abundance of unprepared, overly eager women.”
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