Should I Ignore My Fear Factor For Long Distance Love?

If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.

Alternatively send a direct email to [email protected] or via WhatsApp to +385 97 655 8066.

Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

I’ve recently returned from seeing family in the States and while I was there met a man. We had a couple of tame dates and plan to meet up.

The issue is, because of his work commitments, we won’t get to spend time together until early February. I’m not the most patient person in the world, and I’m already thinking this is over before it has begun.

Should I treat our chance meeting as nothing? Or should I make an effort as he was a hunk, and I’ve been single for more years than I care to count?

Hannah, Kingston

Love Doctor’s Answer:
 
Congratulations on finding a potential love interest following a lengthy time as a singleton. An unexpected romantic relationship can spring up at any time, because love is always on the horizon even when we are not looking.

What probably helped draw him towards you was the fact that you were not overeager for finding a romance.

As you were clearly emotionally available, which people are generally not for up to three years following a breakup. It sounds like there was an effortless connection between you, although your heart needs to be in this should it become anything magical.

However, before you get too smitten and carried away — who does not love being in love? — then consider finding out more about this man. You don’t wish for it to go pear-shaped and feel like a fool after dipping your toe back into the dating world.

My advice is to ask one of your family members to attempt finding out more about him. While they do this you can easily check his social media accounts.

It is worth opting for a thorough background check through somewhere like socialcatfish, because you don’t want this to end in disappointment.

Although you are prepared to be dismissive of him as though it was like two ships that pass in the night, you call him a “hunk” and I get the impression that you have a preference for pursuing a romantic adventure.

This is going to be a slow burner if you cannot meet face-to-face until next year. Although it is going to be a part-time relationship, you can easily date from a distance.

STICK TO DATE NIGHTS
I urge you to each dedicate two nights a week to a proper date, in order for you to maintain the momentum of your new romance.

Thanks to modern technology you have numerous options to spend time as though you are together. My advice is to make one night a week a dinner date and another evening a movie night.

You should suggest that you take it in turns to choose a certain meal that you both prepare. You can decide on a set time to eat dinner via a video call, where both the conversation and flirting should continue to flow.

The movie night also offers flirtatious behaviour. Choosing a film to watch together, and constantly pausing it to chat about it, helps make this a truly intimate moment and fun.

I strongly prompt you to awaken your sexual senses by ensuring that you both have citrus scented candles burning and freshly cooked popcorn for movie night.

KEEP DIALOGUE MOVING
Although you are at a distance and will not spend time in person for months, for your relationship to work then it is crucial to open up the channels of communication and maintain the momentum of constant contact.

A good morning and/or good night message are thoughtful and caring. If he is not the one to instigate these, then get the ball rolling by sending a short message.

Be cautious about using the word love, stick to sending hugs and kisses so he isn’t potentially scared off. Men tend not to like commitment, and for you to send lots of love could backfire as he may panic.

You will both alter physically during your time apart, but regular video calls and sending photos will mean that you’ll barely notice any changes.

Just be wary if he suggests exchanging saucy photos, as men often are only interested in lust rather than love. Don’t succumb to any of these types of demands, otherwise you will lose his respect and become his plaything rather than a proper love interest.

LONG DISTANCE FOUNDATIONS
Your objective is to build up mutual respect, trust and understanding from afar. You should be trying to move it from affectionate love to romance, with intimacy to follow naturally over time.

Sending a thoughtful gift every now again is a way to let him know he is in your thoughts. You don’t need to go crazy because you are not trying to buy his affection, check out my guide to romantic gifts that suit all budgets.

As you’ve been single for some time, I suggest you explain to this man that you are not just seeking a casual relationship as you refer to your dates as “tame”.

It sounds like you may have hit the romantic jackpot if he can courageously commit to you, and not get his head turned before your potential rendezvous in February. Your face-to-face catch-up offers you St. Valentine’s Day flirting to make your relationship become even more magical.

Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]