Who’s Right About Indulging In Our Approaching Milestone Birthday?

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Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

My friend and I will hit the big 4-0 in November, but we are going in totally opposite directions. This leaves me questioning myself and my best friend.

I recently started dating a woman six years younger than me. This has been the very first time I’ve been involved with someone not older than me, which feels like a breath of fresh air.

My pal split up with his long-term girlfriend the day I met my new gal. This is because she got fed up with what seems like him hitting a mid-life crisis dyed. He unexpectedly dyed his hair blonde and has spent lots on buying bling for himself.

I think that I’m moving forwards romantically and happy. He’s going backwards by messaging exes to try and get back together, because he doesn’t want to be alone for his birthday next month. Any advice for us?

G, Kingston   

Love Doctor’s Answer:
 
Congratulations in advance for your respective milestone birthdays, and I’m delighted that you aren’t the one tasting a mid-life crisis.

Although it is disappointing that your friend certainly is trying to behave younger than his years, and he must be seriously envious that you have found a love interest on the day he broke up — especially as you’ve found yourself a younger than usual lady.

You are embracing the next exciting and refreshing chapter in your lives in a totally different manner. Hitting 40 will bring life stage shifts and reflection of where you went wrong romantically in the past. We only really learn from our mistakes.

It sounds like he’s desperate to relive his past by reaching out to exes in a bid to rekindle a romantic relationship, and by trying to impress them with his new look.

It is rare for a romance to succeed when you give it a second shot, because they are different people now and will have lost the momentum of a full-blown and meaningful relationship.

I am a strong believer that partners can get back together and succeed only if they were genuine soulmates and there was a reason for splitting up that could have been avoided.

My advice to him is rather than going for the scattergun approach of contacting his bevy of exes and happily settling for whichever lady takes the bait, he should compile a list of five characteristics that he values in a perfect partner.

Then he can do some soul searching to see if any of these ladies match up before he makes a better choice for his next romantic foray.

CONSIDER A BLIND DATE
As you’ve started dating someone slightly younger than you, and your best friend is obviously seeking someone of a similar age to her because of his recent transformation with blonde hair and bling, then maybe you could ask her if she has any suitable single friends to introduce to him.

The best way to approach this would be to explain to your lady that you would like to celebrate your respective milestone birthdays with your friend and maybe she could suggest one of her gal pals for a double date at a fancy seaside restaurant.

You should take into account that his heart will be tender and bruised after being dumped by his long-term girlfriend, so he could end up entering a rebound relationship to deal with his pain. He clearly needs some sort of love antidote as he fast approaches this important birthday.

And you need to guide him away from being shallow and chasing ladies on looks alone, because he’s so emotionally vulnerable at the moment. Men are largely visual creatures, but they should realise that good looks fade while good character doesn’t.

ENSURE INNOVATION
While you are happily ensconced in your latest relationship, you should help your friend keep any romance based on a shared values basis rather than allow it to become a novelty.

It sounds like he’s overcompensating for what appears like a mid-life crisis so should ensure that he brings emotional maturity to any romance.

As for your current relationship, you really should not be concerned about the six-year age gap. Too many people don’t consider and appreciate that even a significant difference in age can work for couples as long as there are mutual aspirations, respect and trust with instant chemistry from the start.

Everyone’s life goals are individual, so if there’s little difference between life goals with you and your latest girlfriend then there should be few problems going forward.

STEAL THE SHOW
With any big decade birthday I strongly suggest that you try to plan something that will standout and become a treasured memory, rather than sticking to a traditional party and gifts as well as spending it with family, friends and acquaintances.

Living in Jamaica you have plenty of fabulous options to organise an adrenaline-filled day, and you can always make it a joint birthday celebration with your good friend.

My advice is to organise an epic adventure with your girlfriend, and maybe set up your best friend with a blind date, for a private powerboat trip along the stunning coastline of Port Antonio.

You can follow it up with a scrumptious feast at either a fancy seaside restaurant or eat Jamaican jerk chicken on the beach at Port Antonio, where this meal and recipe was invented.

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