Social Media Surprise Has Unsettled And Confused Me

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Question:

I got a big shock the other day when my ex-girlfriend unblocked me on WhatsApp and added a profile photo of us from a few years ago.

Within an hour she messaged me for the first time in ages, but she had switched the image to a typical Jamaica beach with palm trees.

We’re only messaging once a week, and not asking too much about what’s been happening since our split. I’m unsure why she’s got in touch, but she knows that she was 100% the one love for me.

As I’ve just met someone, which is only in the early stages, should I resist communicating with her? Or should I suggest meeting up with my ex-girlfriend to see how we are together having been apart for so long?

L, Westmoreland

Love Doctor’s Answer:
The most likely reason that your former girlfriend added the old photo of you during happier times was to grab your attention. Her ploy worked, as the communication channels have well and truly opened.

Despite you not explaining why your romance ground to a halt, you claim she knew that she was the one for you. I strongly suspect that she finished your relationship for whatever reason, so don’t let her play you for a fool unless you definitely remain in love with her.

Initially adding this picture as her profile when she unblocked you indicates that this was her reaching out with an olive branch, probably she felt guilty about the way things ended.

She would have been apprehensive to use this photo, but this image depicted a happy moment together so possibly got your heart beating quicker.

You took this bait and responded to her message. Even though subconsciously you would have been aware that she may have simply added a temporary image to make someone jealous.

However, by unblocking you at the same time I believe that this picture was just to test the water with you. She was fortunate that you hadn’t blocked her, and even more fortunate that you didn’t ignore her.

You haven’t explained why there are only weekly messages between the two of you, but that could be because you’ve told her that you’ve just begun dating or maybe she’s romantically involved already.

TRICK HAS PAID DIVIDENDS
Reeling you in with the image, which would have boosted your self-esteem and rekindled your feelings towards your ex-girlfriend, was a cunning trick.

The fact that she swiftly altered the image indicates that it was a genuine way to reach out to you. She wasn’t trying to project to the world, or another man, that everything is hunky dory. Otherwise, she would have kept that picture as her profile and played with your emotions.

Your communication with her, restricted to just once a week, sounds very stilted. One way or another this needs to be changed, and as the man must initiate everything going forward.

I urge you to determine whether she’s seeking closure or a chance of a second shot together. The only way to find out is to organise a rendezvous.

TIME IS THE HEALER
Generally it takes three years for genuine soulmates to fully process a split, and can only be reconciled if there was a valid reason for the breakup as well as forgiveness towards whoever ended the romantic relationship.

As you point out she was the one, and you’ve only recently started dating, it’s acceptable to meet your ex-girlfriend in a public place. Yet you want to protect the feelings of your latest crush, so obviously keep it a secret and definitely don’t lie to her if she finds out.

Should you want to see your former love again for a second time, it’s only fair to cool things off with your current squeeze rather than string her along or build up her hopes.

My advice is to compile a list to compare, comprising five good aspects about both your current partner and your former girlfriend. Then you will be able to follow your head rather than your heart moving forward, and tread with caution whichever path you follow.

THE PAST HAS GONE
If you want to make things work with the latest lady, you have to put the past behind you and halt communication with your ex.

It will feel like you are letting her down by politely requesting that she refrain from contact because you don’t wish to jeopardise your latest romance.

Should you decide that the chemistry between you and your former partner remains, then you just have to nip things in the bud with this your love interest and explain that you’re emotionally unavailable because you’re still in love with your ex-girlfriend.

This lady won’t wish to play second fiddle, and should respect your honesty. Just don’t start dating your former love interest for a few days because you won’t want to potential hurt your current squeeze by being immediately seen with another lady.

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