Ill Manners Seem To Be A Dealbreaker
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Question:
I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks, but I’m thinking of breaking it off because his eating etiquette is appalling.
Whenever we eat he avoids eye contact to concentrate on his food.
He wolfs it down every time, even on our two visits to nice restaurants. He comes from a very large family, and maybe that’s the reason for his bad behaviour.
I prefer to savour my food, and make it an occasion for talking to each other. We are on such totally different pages. I’m intent on dumping him unless there is a way to change him without causing offence.
C, Ocho Rios
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Manners maketh man. He is probably oblivious to his eating habits, as you mentioned that he derives from a substantially-sized family.
You sound unconvinced about your future together, so I imagine that there’s other factors on top of his lack of etiquette at meal times.
If he is worth the effort then you need to set a protocol. Yet if you have serious doubts about your future, then it is just a waste of energy and time trying to alter these ill manners.
LIST CHARACTERISTICS
I suggest you make an impromptu list of the five things you like most about your latest love interest, and also write down his five worst aspects.
Then see which positive and negative features can effectively cancel each other out, leaving you with the ultimate list about your boyfriend.
From these few facets you will have narrowed down the pros and cons of being together, and this should help you make a decision.
You can always follow some of my tried and tested tips to soften the blow should you decide to dump him.
On the other hand, if you have the desire to move things along and tweak things then you must immediately improve your communication and discuss his willingness to compromise.
Broaching someone’s bad manners or quirks is never easy, particularly so early in a budding romance. Although you don’t want to jeopardise what you have, you should also not have to suffer.
BUILDING INTIMACY
I urge you to get the ball rolling by suggesting that you cook a romantic candlelit dinner, either at his or yours. Men are visual creatures, so ensure that you opt for attractive-looking dishes with lots of colour, as we eat with what is visually appealing.
If he likes that idea, and quite frankly it would seem inconceivable for him to refuse such an intimate moment, then give him the drip-drip feed leading up to the special occasion that you would like him to dress smartly.
Going to the trouble of preparing a romantic meal should be appreciated. You have the opportunity to bring out a small dish for each course, and when you present each one just tell him to take his time because there’s more to come.
Reiterate how you enjoy savouring your food and the importance of meaningful conversation while eating. You can be direct by asking him to flirt with you by eye gazing.
Also explain that you were always taught to finish your food before starting to cut up the next mouthful. Tell him that you would appreciate him following your method of eating, and that conversation flowing between mouthfuls is something that you would like between you.
MAKING CHANGES
Most men need some form of training, and women frequently wish to change their partner from the early stages of dating.
The biggest problem with this is that the majority of men simply let their love interest believe that they will alter, when they have no real intention of doing so.
Flaws tend to show when the honeymoon period is over, which often ranges from three to 12 months. The fact that you have seen his erroneous eating habits already, which definitely are a dealbreaker, probably means that you are also evaluating other aspects of his character that are displeasing you.
The harsh reality is that your question indicates little commitment to this latest romance.
Unless you firmly believe that he’s worth the time and trouble in shaping him into your ideal man, it is time to end what appears to be a doomed romance without confrontation and causing heartache.
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