I’m In Two Minds About Our Future After My Indiscretion
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.
Question:
I’ve been romantically involved with lots of ladies but I foolishly, by accident when drunk, told my girlfriend this fact.
She mistakenly thinks that I’ve been cheating on her, and she will only have sex with me if I use protection.
Her attitude has upset me. I’m torn about whether to get a STD test or to break up with her. What’s your advice?
Jamal, Singapore
Love Doctor’s Answer:
No lady in the world ever wishes to hear about her partner’s previous relationship, not even if you utter the words “but you’re so much better”. Mention of an ex frequently spells the start of the end.
Your slip of the tongue, albeit under the influence of alcohol, proved to be ill-chosen words and you are now at a crossroads for this relationship.
My advice is to assure your love interest that she’s 100 percent the most important woman ever. You need to apologise profusely and ensure that your actions prove your love and devotion for her, as you’ve damaged her self-esteem.
Explain to her that you’re very sorry, and that to put her mind at rest you will visit a STD clinic. You should have already got yourself checked out before you embarked on a sexual relationship with this lady.
Your best bet, as a way to make up for your indiscretion, is to suggest taking her to a fancy restaurant. Allow her to choose the venue, but it must be somewhere new and not a place that you are likely to return.
You understandably have plenty of grovelling to undertake if you want to get back into her good books. Ideally shower her with two genuine compliments every time you meet up, and dig into your pockets to buy her some red flowers.
It’s worth picking out a thoughtful gift for her, as well as some perfume, between now and your visit to a restaurant.
Your best option is to open up the channels of communication over a fancy meal. You can find out what her long-term aspirations are for your future together, and see if these goals align with yours.
Planning for the future by rebuilding mutual trust and respect is imperative if you want to make this relationship work. You must start implementing romantic gestures if you wish to try and repair your partnership.
Kind gestures mean much more to females than males. If you can get her emotions flowing similar to the start of your partnership, then the passion between you should soon resurface.
Yet there are alarm bells loudly ringing from your dilemma, as it appears that your latest flame may only be deemed a sexual object rather than your potential partner for life.
Relationships that go the distance are based on initially loving someone affectionately, building that into romantic love with the sexual aspect strengthening your emotional bond.
The fact that you are ready to dismiss this woman because she wants safe sex comes across as cold-hearted, and questions whether you are worthy of her love and devotion.
Should your relationship be built solely on lust then there’s no real commitment involved. You are simply having fun and frolics.
If that’s your scenario, then stop wasting each other’s time and move on. There are kind ways to break up with her. Yet it appears that you have blown things already, so can walk away without much explanation to her.
If your heart’s not in making her feel special, and you only want a sexual relationship, then no wonder she feels angry after you spilled the beans about your past.
Our previous romances shape us into the person we become, and we tend to learn from our mistakes to ensure that the next partnership lasts the course.
If you can’t commit to her, and earn her trust by your actions, then this appears to be a doomed relationship.
As your knee-jerk reaction is to potentially walk away, there’s massive doubts about the two of you actually being in a meaningful relationship.
Unless you can collectively decide how to ensure there will be no more bumpy rides, then this romantic journey has ground to a natural halt and there’s no way back.
It sounds like it’s time to lick your wounds, avoid a rebound relationship and simply wait until you are emotionally ready to embark on another romantic adventure.
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