Should I Meet This Mystery Lady?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m on the verge of being happy again following a series of failed relationships.
I sent a drunk text to my very favourite ex-girlfriend when I was with my friends. As she was three years ago I tried to recall her cellphone number, but I sent the saucy message to a different number in error.
The woman that got my message got in touch, and she’s been flirty for the past couple of weeks. She’s single, around my age, lives near MoBay and seems like great fun. She wants to meet up to see if it develops. What’s your advice?
S, Portmore
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It seems that ‘Lady Luck’ and Cupid could be shining down on you if she genuinely ticks all of the boxes. As it has been at least a fortnight since this mistaken message was sent, and appears to be smooth sailing so far, then it is definitely worth setting up a rendezvous.
You have ignited some excitement within this lady with something saucy. She may have been joking around to start with, but it sounds like things are slowly evolving then she could be the ideal potential partner for you.
The thrill of the chase is for both men and ladies, which is what you two are experiencing. Tame it in before you actually meet up, because a lady is likely to lose interest if you are all over her like a rash.
She is bound to be as pleased as punch that you two are attracted to each other, but she will want you to be the one to ultimately undertake the chase and be the man.
It sounds like you’ve been a bit apprehensive by letting her prompt you to meet up. You can turn that to your advantage by agreeing to meet her, and suggesting some exciting things to do together in Montego Bay as there’s more than just their glorious beach.
Before you get carried away about this fabulous romantic opportunity, consider whether you are being catfished. Or is she acting as though she is playing a game and fooling you. There is a huge difference between playing games and seduction. Pay attention to both her words and proposed actions. You don’t want to be involved with someone who only sexualises the conversation, because you won’t be the first person that she’s done that to and probably not the last.
Try spotting any red flags in these early stages. If you ignore any early warnings of red flags and later brush these aside if you two become a couple, then you will find it much more difficult to deal with these later on.
In the early throes of this possible romance you should avoid revealing too much about yourself before you meet, and on your first date. If she learns so much about you over a couple of drinks in a bar, then unless it is merely lust there is not much chance of you going on a second date. Hold back what you say, but she probably knows all about you already. You need to be mysterious to a certain extent.
You possibly both feel flattered by this unexpected attention, and because you are both single this hopefully could blossom into a meaningful romantic relationship. For the sparks to really fly when you meet for a date there needs to be some element of mystery, which encourages you to desperately wish to see each other again.
My advice is that you need to transfer this flirty fun over the phone to face-to-face. The vital must-do actions when you meet are to lock her gaze with unnerving eye contact and subtly mirror her actions.
You need to show empathy and that you care. Smile and nod at her when she offers an opinion or says something amusing. When you feel comfortable then show that you care by removing something, pretend if necessary, off her clothing such as a strand of hair.
Every lady is aware that a man will not physically touch her lightly unless he likes her. When you are about to briefly disappear from her, ensure that you leave a lasting physical impression by subtly brushing her hand or leg by accident as you get up. On your return do touch her on the hand or shoulder when you say something like “I hope that I didn’t keep you waiting too long”.
These signals will seriously up the ante and are a swift route to success in making a good impression. Ladies are generally attracted to those who act, look and speak with an air of confidence. You also need to know when to go for the first kiss as a true gentleman.
Prepare yourself for this first date by turning up as the best version of yourself without creating someone that you aren’t. So grab a haircut, be well groomed, smart casual and smell good. My advice is to try to use a citrus scent, which can act as an aphrodisiac to help heighten her senses.
You are only looking, as this is a first date, to enhance her desire towards you so don’t suggest spending the night together as you want to show respect. If you hit it off then try some of the tricks to land a second date.
Generally speaking the faster the relationship develops the quicker it crashes and burns. So try to make it a slow burner, especially as there’s a fair distance between where you two live.
Do think about the reality of whether you could be devoted to a potential relationship so far apart, and the practicality of starting a new romance. As you’ve been off the singles market for a while, then consider whether you have time and commitment for an additional part-time job. If the answer is no then don’t waste your time and this lady’s time, because love can hurt.
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