Should I Alter My Look For My Latest Crush?

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Question:

My latest relationship is going quite smoothy after almost a month together, except our fashion sense doesn’t match.

I’m very much a no-nonsense jeans, short shorts and T-shirt kind of girl. My latest boyfriend is into his designer clobber, which is because he’s slim, tall and a few years younger than me in his late 30s.

I feel underdressed for our dates, which is starting to make me feel uncomfortable because I like his look. Even at the beach he was sporting designer clothes while I was in shorts that I made from worn out jeans.

Should I start changing my outfits to look more like him, keep my style or ditch him?

K, Spanish Town

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Many people will dress up for dates, even when visiting a beach, as they wish to make a good impression.

It doesn’t sound as though he is trying to show off or be flashy, just the fact that he has the symmetry and height to sport designer clothes.

Feeling uncomfortable sounds like you have a slight inferiority complex. You could up the ante by splashing the cash on some designer T-shirts or jeans to mix and match your outfits.

There’s nothing wrong with having a unique style. Your new boyfriend was initially attracted to you and has maintained his interest. Don’t worry about a mismatch in terms of what you wear for dates, although you could start to dress more for the occasion if that will help you to feel more secure when you two are out and about.

Check out my guide on what a lady can ideally wear for dates, as then you could update your wardrobe and accessories if you so desire.

My advice is to ask him to help you pick out an outfit the next time you are going somewhere special. You can invite him around to yours and he will see your wardrobe.

If you still feel uncomfortable when you date, which is something that you state has only just started happening, then the best thing to do is convey your concerns to him.

Be aware than men are generally shallow as they are visual creatures, but don’t forget that he obviously likes you as you are and doesn’t particularly wish to change you.

It’s usually the woman that wants to alter the man that she dates, in terms of ambitions, fashion, haircut and interests.

MAKE THE BEST OF YOURSELF
If you like this crush enough to continue dating, even though you’ve already expressed a doubt, then you need to start presenting yourself as the very best version possible.

Feeling relaxed in jeans, shorts and a T-shirt is not the end of the world, but that is clearly your comfort zone.

You might find yourself reinventing your look soon, whether with this man or a future love interest. I reiterate that you should not try to be someone that you aren’t by spending big bucks on designer clothing.

Clothes convey our personality, meaning your look is all about you and appears to be attractive to your boyfriend.

He’s fallen for your personality and the whole package, so you need not worry about your style because it’s obviously not an issue with him. Scrutinise my advice about what props to pick out for dates.

SHOPPING SPREE TOGETHER
I urge you to save up a bit of money and in a few months suggest going clothes shopping with him. That way you’ll see what his taste is for you, and he may even offer to buy you something nice.

Updating your wardrobe does not mean changing your unique look, it simply means you can purchase new clothing that offers you the feel-good factor.

Just because an item of clothing is expensive or designer does not make it better than your current crop of clothing. Whatever you choose to wear should make you feel both happy and comfortable.

When picking out anything new, apart from the cost factor, you should only consider the purchase if it will be regularly worn and the item is an upgrade to your wardrobe.

GRAB NEW ACCESSORIES
Even though your look appeals to your boyfriend, to feel more comfortable on dates then you’re better off for the time being concentrating on spending money upgrading accessories like a handbag, jewellery, make-up, perfume and shoes.

Adding new accessories for women tends to bring renewed buoyancy and a spring in their step as well as improving confidence.

The fact that you mention dumping this man does not bode well for a long-term and meaningful romantic relationship, unless it was an off-the-cuff remark.

Maybe the initial euphoria of your romance is starting to wane, and you are looking for an excuse to split. If that’s the case then make excuses not to see him for 10 days to see if you miss him.

ADOPT A SEXY LOOK
As for the clothing mismatch, it’s really not necessary to look like twins in the same designer outfits so early into your relationship.

Once you feel more comfortable around this man, there’s no reason to not suggest wearing one of his shirts in a sexy manner and see how you both react.

He has fallen for you, but the big question you need to ask yourself whether you feel the same and envisage a long-term future. Or is the imbalance between your outfits really the only reason you feel that you are an ill-suited couple?

I suggest you evaluate your feelings for your boyfriend, and decide about your compatibility.

If you have the desire to stay together then it’s best to concentrate on building up your confidence around this man and try to shake off any doubts you have about yourself in order to move forward.

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