Knickers To Foreign Older Man?
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Question:
I briefly had a liaison with a Japanese man who visited the island.
He is almost 20 years older than me. I don’t see any future with him as it is not practical from a long distance and we 100 percent aren’t in love.
He’s suddenly become very full-on now he’s back in Japan, despite being so shy in Jamaica during our fortnight together. He wants me to send him my used knickers and he’s offered to pay for these each month. It’s made me feel cheap, how should I tackle this problem?
H, Westmoreland
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Whatever the initial attraction was, whether it was fun ‘n’ frolics or just the fact that you two are from widely different cultures, at least you both realised that it was never going to evolve.
You mention that the distance is a barrier to propel into a meaningful relationship, which could be overcome in numerous ways if there had been a strong romantic connection.
As for being in love, that’s a tricky scenario for the Japanese as a nation because they do not believe in love. All relationships are built around sex, companionship and finances in Japan. So for you to expect this man to ever tell you that he loves you is near impossible.
As you deemed him to be shy with you when in Jamaica, you must remember that Japanese men are very respectful towards everyone — and adhere to their traditions. Pre-marital sex does not exist in Japan. That is unless you visit a sex shop, keep it secret or have sex with a partner in a Japanese Love Hotel (which you pay for on an hourly basis).
He’s also around two decades older than you, so maybe he saw you as someone that he wanted to be protective towards. He could just be a dreamer, and you are his dream. Or maybe he saw a business opportunity from you.
Now he is back in his own environment and back in his comfort zone, he has upped the ante with this conversation about your used knickers. The fact that he has sexualised the relationship means that you should understandably be wary of his requests, and may wish to block him.
His desire for used underwear is not comparable to ripped/distressed jeans, at the end of the day this is just a fetish. In Japan they work very long hours, so they prize sex highly with numerous bars catering for businessmen after work to get truly excited.
His desire for your underwear is not usual, the country has vending machines full of used knickers in ziplock bags. Some women go to shops to buy new knickers each day, and while there remove their underwear that they sell to prove that these are genuinely used underwear.
This fetish is all about the scent, as pheromones are very strong aphrodisiacs and many Japanese men love smelling used knickers.
You may understandably find the extra cash a big incentive, but sending your knickers will open up a can of worms because you would have to send a photo to go with these. Be apprehensive because pictures required to accompany your underwear will be more than just your smiling face. You will probably be asked to send regular photos of you completely naked, or at least naked from the waist down, with the used knickers in your hands.
He may be wanting to sell your dirty underwear to make extra money, or he wants them for himself and any fetish he possesses. With either scenario just take it as a compliment rather than an insult, because single Japanese men often have a blow up doll in their house that can be for companionship like a cat or dog rather than being sexually deviant.
I suggest that you don’t waste your time trying to work out his motivation. It’s probably best not to pamper him by regularly posting your used knickers, otherwise he could get addicted to this or could get more demanding.
When you find yourself a new love interest then it’s highly doubtful that he would be terribly impressed by your actions, and no doubt would become extremely jealous.
Taking money for this service of sending used underwear would cheapen any relationship you have with this Japanese man, although it probably has ended your friendship forever.
Reflect whether his interest in you was ever gracious and genuine. It sounds like you have given up the ghost in a romance with him, which is just as well as your heart’s clearly not in it.
As the seediness of sending used knickers is not a good idea, your only solution is to just focus on the future and fondly remember your fortnight of fun with him before halting all communication between you. Ultimately you don’t wish to dent your self-esteem by profiting from your sexuality.
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