Dear Love Doctor

I Lack Drive For The Road To Recovery

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


My former girlfriend is galavanting around back home in Europe while I deal with the havoc she caused to my heart last month.

We enjoyed a six-month romance, but she left the island to return to Europe. According to my friends she is busy backpacking rather than working.

I’ve not heard from her, and being so hurt I’ve avoided looking at her social media channels.


I’ve gone totally anti-social since the break-up. I’ve stopped going to dancehalls with friends at weekends, and halted my daily visit to the gym. How do I get over her?

Errol, St. Ann


Love Doctor’s Answer:

Sorry to learn that the end of the relationship has caused so much chaos and heartache. It sounds as though she either didn’t give a hoot about you to disappear to Europe and no longer be in touch.

It sounds as though she’s trying to escape from herself or maybe even find herself. Alternatively she is trying to replace you by visiting places in Europe, although she will stink of desperation if that’s the case meaning the sort of man that she could start dating is likely to be extremely inferior to you.

Although it feels like the end of the world to you now, and you’ve withdrawn from socialising, in the long-term you’ll appreciate that the relationship ended.

Unfortunately when we lose someone special romantically it can be akin to grieving. For some people, especially those who wear their heart on their sleeve, it can take up to three years for the heart to heal. Generally though it can be a matter of weeks or maybe months.

The first step on your road to recovery is to allow yourself to grieve and acknowledge that the romance is well and truly over.


Ideally you need to have some form of closure, so that you can accept the relationship is finished. However, she is miles away from you and on another continent with zero communication. It’s therefore highly unlikely that you’ll manage to meet.

It’s excellent news that you’ve not checked her social media platforms, but my advice is to ask any friends who have mentioned her to please act as though she never existed.

Best to forget her completely despite the six months that may have been heavenly. You too must try to remove any reminders of your ex-girlfriend.

My advice is to buy a box to store anything that reminds you of her. As well as storing these things, add a sheet of paper with a list of her character faults so that should you ever open the box again you will realise that she wasn’t the perfect little angel that you previously believed she was.

The next step is to either get rid of, or store any photos, of her and you two together because you don’t wish to trigger your heartache at a later date.

As you have backed off from integrating with society, which is understandable, please ensure that you take care of your mental and physical wellbeing. Lean towards super healthy eating habits. Avoid alcohol to alleviate this heartache, as that can be a slippery slope, and instead of the gym try some self-care exercises like yoga at home.

You should try to plan when you are ready to connect with family and friends, but in the meantime let them know that you need some time out to heal. Should you require some emotional support then don’t be afraid to reach out to others, most adults will have suffered terrible heartache at some stage so can be a welcome shoulder to cry on.

In life we keep on striving when we have something to look forward to. I strongly urge you to plan a solo adventure, doing something that you wouldn’t normally consider or visit a place that you hadn’t previously thought about. If you book it for at least six months’ time, then you have a purpose to make yourself happy once more and you have something positive to look forward to.

At least you weren’t engaged, living together or married, so you have some freedom to focus on the future without having to worry about your ex-girlfriend returning to cause problems. As this was only a short period of time with her it’s better than having spent years with what was clearly the wrong lady for you.


Keeping yourself busy and distracted is your best bet now, throwing yourself into work or maybe learning a new skill or language. Before long you will have your confidence back from her rejection, and be able to find your mojo again.

Now is the time to focus on you, with your goals and aspirations, so be committed to these. Write down a list of what you want to achieve over the next few years and ensure that you attach it to your fridge.

Likewise, true love and romance is all about commitment. She didn’t commit to you emotionally by stepping away, but that’s no reason for you to be emotionally guarded forever.

When you have the feelgood factor back, others will notice and you’ll naturally attract the attention of other ladies. You are much better off waiting to find someone worthy of your love and devotion. You want an exciting relationship to reignite your faith in romance and indeed trust.

For now you really don’t need the complications of another romance as you are going through the healing process. Time is the only healer for a broken heart and for you to be emotionally fearless once more.

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