Should We Continue To Be So Fussy?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


Me and my friend are in our 40s and have been single for some time. We really aren’t getting close to finding a partner.

We’re constantly punching above our weight, and because of that there’s no interest from the best looking ladies.

What can we do to change this ongoing rejection?


H, St. Andrew


Love Doctor’s Answer:

Finding the perfect partner is a journey, and not a joy ride unless you are happy to settle for just fun and frolics.

Embarking on the trip to find romance means that you should be prepared for the future, by making the best of yourself to become more attractive.

It’s not a question of going flat out and splashing the cash, but you need to invest wisely both your time and money.

As you are openly frank that you’ve been punching above your weight then you should set your sights lower or improve yourself to be the best you can.

These improvements will build up your confidence, and ensure that you can feel more attractive towards the sort of ladies that you are seeking.

Trying to attract only the best good looking ladies is shallow, and means you are reducing your chances of finding someone suitable.


Looks fade, whereas character doesn’t. Surely you would prefer a blend of both rather than be guided by looks alone. Men are visual creatures, so I appreciate why you are narrowing down your options.

As you readily admit that you are punching above your weight and failing then you need to address this issue then either change your tactics, alter your attitude or simply give up.

There’s no barrier for finding romance, only the obstacles that as individuals we put up. So rather than give up just start considering what you offer a potential suitress.

Women are fickle creatures, many believe in love at first sight and will wait until that happens but not everyone can experience this. It doesn’t mean that they should give up, but rather than being adamant that it’s all or nothing they should peel the layers off a person to discover their personality.

Single women are seeking suitors, and there are plenty of opportunities for them to find an eligible man.

An ideal way to meet someone suitable is to find common ground, especially similar interests. I suggest that you try to go somewhere where single ladies in your age bracket are likely to be that reflect your hobbies.

Being passionate about your hobbies will be an attractive element to many ladies, so whether it is playing tennis or dancing you need to feel happy, confident and knowledgeable. This offers the chance for the real you to be seen, so are effectively in the shop window.

When you are seen in these places, if you find that there’s no suitable single ladies then once you have got to know the group members there’s no reason not to ask for someone to matchmake.

When you explain that you don’t have a significant other this is when it seems an ideal time to discuss ladies. Just tell someone your ideal woman, and casually ask if this person knows of anyone single like this. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at people wishing to play Cupid.


On top of this you need to ensure that you are the best person that you consider yourself to be. In other words, you need to be on the same level as the woman you desire. Put yourself in the lady’s shoes, you know how she expects her man to be dressed and groomed.

Investing in a decent watch, new aftershave, a good quality haircut, clothes and shoes that reflect your personality etc are vital if you want to attract these ladies that have for so long simply been dismissive. Look at the sort of man that these currently unattainable women are with, and consider how you can remodel yourself to be more like them.

I’m not suggesting that you become someone that you aren’t, but self improvement will help you but that includes a healthy lifestyle. Even Hollywood stars have a regular makeover to stay on top of their game, so contemplate how you want to appear and try to follow a particular style sported by a celebrity.

A quick way to address this is to look at your wardrobe and decide whether it shows the real you. Never waste any money on buying something to show off, instead purchase what you like and how it feels on you.

It’s not vital to fork out for designer labels if you can find a handful of brands that feel good on you. If you feel good and comfortable, this is reflected in your attitude.

There are proven chat up lines that will work wonders, and there are ways to meet ladies organically. You have to know your limits.

You wouldn’t apply for a job as an astronaut without the necessary skills, so stop wasting your time chasing ladies when you know you have zero chance.

Instead concentrate on what is achievable and style yourself into the sort of person that will prove attractive to these ladies.

Eat well, exercise regularly, dress how you want to show your personality and ensure that you have a positive attitude. With all of these elements you’ll be giving off good vibes, and hopefully the right sort of ladies will start noticing you.

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