My Man Continues To Go Silent On Me, What Should I Do? Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I have been going out with my guy for just over two years and love the fact that he continuously calls me his “Boonoonoonoos friend” (sweetheart).
But I hate the fact that he continues to go silent a lot of the time, even on the phone, which he has admitted is when he is thinking about sex. It has got to such a point that I am now considered breaking up as his deadly silence annoys me so much.
Any pointers to get him to focus on me as a person and stop constantly thinking about sex before it is too late?
Chandice, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
This sounds frustrating, but at least he is using the Jamaican patois to express his love for you by referring to you as an extra special person.
Most men tend to have a craving for sex, which has been emphasised globally since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.
With the enforced coronavirus restrictions and lock-downs, the lack of sexual connection between couples has unfortunately led to an extremely high number of breakups across the globe.
If you are considering breaking up then firstly consider whether this is the only reason for you to potentially go your separate ways. You mention that you love him yet his creepy silence is annoying you.
You need to appreciate that men are generally emotionally vulnerable, but they usually try to disguise this fact. Because of their natural flaw, they tend to view sexual connection as a necessity in order to feel safe in a romantic relationship.
As men usually have mountains of testosterone, those of certain ages and/or in a loving relationship will constantly be driven towards sexual thoughts. This is what your man is experiencing, but as long as he treats you with the respect you deserve then all should be well in your romantic relationship.
However, it is unclear from your query whether he is thinking of sex in general and not just with you. And if he is on the phone but then goes into silence I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he is likely to be distracted.
Sexual urges for men stem from physical signs, whether fantasy or real. So you should let him know that you are aware of this fact and question why he is silent when you are on the phone. He has definitely been sexually stimulated by something or someone physical, whether it is a lady who has caught his eye in person or on television/his computer for example.
When he goes into his silence in person, keep an eye on whether he is getting aroused by you or the sight of some shapely/semi-clad woman wherever you may be (bar, beach, club, cinema, restaurant etc).
You must be adamant and upfront with him. Now is the time to lay down the law by reiterating that you need assurance that when he thinks about sex it is 100% only about you.
My advice is to deal with this obstacle face-to-face. Explain the issue and the fact that his sudden silence makes you feel so uncomfortable and unhappy that you are unsure about your future together. This will obtain a response, and if he is serious about you then he can surely curb his enthusiasm for titillation. You may have to give him an ultimatum.
My suggestion is that you prompt his desires whenever you want, so start tingling with his testosterone by calling the shots as the sexual being you are. This is a simple enough task as all it will take to hit on his sex mad brain is an innuendo, a smile, a touch or by revealing some of your flesh in abundance.
You must be aware that women’s thirst for lust is completely different to men, with the yearning for sex triggered by emotional feelings rather than physicality.
I urge you to try captivate him by either making him delighted when you want to or by surprising him, such as kissing him passionately next time he goes into his silence.
You should turn the tables by starting to control his needs and desires, for both sexual and non-sexual activities, by being in charge of all of the excitement between the sheets.
By demonstrating to him that you are a person who is not just a sex object you can hopefully get him to recognise and respect you as an individual and of course as his soul mate.
The pressure is on for you to rescue this relationship and prevent him from having these eerily sexual silences. If you can take charge and change him then hopefully you will find him just as attractive and desirable as when you first started dating.
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