Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m struggling as I remain single since my divorce to my childhood sweetheart, and there hasn’t been a chance to really cement a decent relationship with all this coronavirus pandemic going on. But how do I go about finding a new woman soon?
Robert – St Ann
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Losing the love and devotion of your childhood sweetheart is a big blow, as this lady is probably the only female that you have enjoyed a long-term full-on romantic relationship with.
As she was not only your wife but best friend, then you are probably feeling her loss in a similar way as you would sadly grieve her death.
This means that ultimately you will experience the denial of your divorce, be angry over the split, hold onto the hope that you can repair the relationship breakdown and be suffering sadness (that could lead to depression) before you can truly except that you have gone your separate ways.
My advice is that whatever happens you must not dwell on the past, nor should you convince yourself that your ex-wife will regret the split so that things will return to when you were madly in love and happy.
Rest assured that you are one of millions who have suffered loneliness and forced to re-evaluate your life because of the ongoing coronavirus crisis. Seemingly perfect relationships have ended all over the globe, mainly because of couples spending far too much time together during quarantine.
After your split you may have initially doubted the reality of the breakdown of your relationship, so used the defence mechanism of denial to help deal with your pain as well as isolated yourself from friends and family more than you anticipated.
But this hurt will arguably have turned to anger and resentment, although this usually means that you connect with people. The social distancing regulation across the island, because of the COVID-19, will have stilted you reconnecting with the world face-to-face.
This could lead to guilt crossing your mind, wondering what could have been different to prevent the breakdown of your marriage and whether it was your fault or hers. You should instead concentrate on thinking about how to take better control in your next relationship.
At least with the coronavirus rules across Jamaica you have time to face your present reality, which could include despair and sadness, but you can also focus on how to re-adjust your life to concentrate on your long-term perspectives and romantic prospects.
Having seemingly only been romantically involved with one lady, then you need to beware of seeking her ‘upgrade’ simply on looks alone. Of course there has to be a physical attraction, but also there needs to be an emotional connection too.
My advice is that when you are seeking for a suitress, it is her background, character and values that should be of paramount importance to you.
Forget the love at first sight scenario as it is so rare, often mistaken for lust and best saved for the movies. Yet finding someone special is a wondrous feeling when you are both experiencing being in love, so it is worth planning properly how to reach your goal.
Just because your marriage broke down doesn’t mean there that you should dismiss enjoying a romantic relationship. Just don’t stink of desperation when you meet a potential partner, because they are likely to smell it a mile off.
There is no need to race into a new relationship, I suggest that once you feel ready and across Jamaica it is possible to turn virtual into physical that you get yourself back out there with aplomb.
The obvious step is to dip your toe into the pools of online dating sites. There are numerous pitfalls with those, which include fake profiles, ladies fine-tuning their flirting skills and never wishing to date as well as some women only interested in how many nights out they can experience with a man falling head over heels to foot the bill.
Tread carefully if you decide to try digital dating, the ladies there are generally in communication with many men and not just you. And likewise you are probably going to be making conversation with more than one lady. These sites are not the real world, there is no opportunity to read body language nor discover if there is a genuine connection, plus they take a lot of time as you fish for the lady of your dreams.
At least with online dating you will find out what you are not looking for, rather than what you are looking for. So when you get an opportunity compile a list of the most important characteristics you possess and also a list of exactly what you desire in your future partner. But be aware that many ladies reverting to digital dating will have at least one child and/or are divorced.
You cannot go for unattainable ladies, so you also must compile a list of what you can offer your next woman. You must offer value otherwise she will not be interested, such as financial security.
Discuss with your family, friends and colleagues about the sort of lady they picture you with. These conversations can easily open up people wishing to play matchmaker for you with any appropriate single ladies they can think of.
Whatever happens, regardless of what anyone tells you, only date those women who are truly single. You will be surprised how many suggestions are made for you to meet up with an unattached lady by your family, friends and colleagues.
If you need a step-by-step plan to make yourself look and feel more attractive then you can follow my advice for a man in a similar situation by reading my advice at: https://jablogz.com/2021/03/how-do-i-attract-a-better-looking-potential-partner-help-me-love-doctor.
Once socialising returns across the island then ensure you get yourself out there to meet ladies and use your natural charms to swoon them.
It is horses for courses, so pick carefully where you wish to potentially meet a new partner as you should have common interests. There is plethora of places to meet your ideal lady, including at a bar, church, dancehall club, music festival, sports venue and so forth.
Dress accordingly, get a wingman or two to help lever into the love arena and, with a plan in place as well as knowing who you are seeking, then love could be in the air sooner than you could have imagined.
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