Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
My boyfriend and I had been having sex since last Christmas but then lockdown put a halt to that new experience in March.
We’ve only been intimate six times but my vagina goes numb for at least a day after intercourse however much I wash it, which I think is because he’s wearing his condom inside out.
However, I enjoy being numb during and after sex. Should I tell him when we go to bed next time?
Anthea – St Ann
Love Doctor’s Answer
As you’ve stated that you don’t feel anything at all during intercourse then it could well be the condom is inside out. A popular lubricant used is benzocaine, which is a local anesthetic and is designed to desensitise his equipment.
However, your vaginal numbness could be a sign of a neurological issue and something more serious that is likely to require medical treatment. The worse case scenario is that you have a herpetic outbreak. You’ll know if it is herpes because you will feel pain, suffer from itching and most likely have sores.
When numbness occurs after sexual activity then that’s likely to have been caused by over-stimulation of the nerves in your genitals, or you may discover that you have hypersensitivity in that region.
My advice is to try to determine whether this is decreased sensation or vaginal numbness, and when you do return to being intimate ask him to alter his condom brand by stating that you would like some variety. Or if you are brave enough then try grabbing some Rough Rider condoms from the supermarket. The raised rubber studs may heighten sensation.
Your numbness could be caused by stress, you may have high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, or even diabetes. If you are getting numbness or tingling elsewhere after intercourse, such as your hands and/or feet, then you should get your blood sugar levels checked out.
Once the travel restrictions are lifted I plan to meet and marry the Russian woman I’ve fallen in love with online.
We are both in our fifties and met on a dating website. We hit it off straight away as she’s interested in the same music as me. She’s so good looking, especially for her age.
My concern is that my friends say she’s only looking to rip me off and I should break all contact. What do you advise?
Arley – Montego Bay
Love Doctor’s Answer
I would tread with trepidation rather than rush into a life-long commitment with a European-based lady that you’ve yet to meet in person.
Marriage seems hasty because that is like jumping on a roller-coaster ride. You are looking for thrills but there will ultimately be ups and downs with the worse case scenario that you don’t enjoy it.
Dating websites are often used by ladies to scam men out of money, it happens more often than you would probably imagine, and usually with a lady saying that she loves the potential but can the man receive funds to get a flight for her to visit. Living a fairytale ending of happy ever after is improbable but not impossible.
You’ve been caught up by a combination of excitement and the unknown, with your head turned by her attractive looks. As it is Leap Year then you’ve probably been proposed to, which is a common ploy in 2020 that’s been used cleverly by an abundance of ladies on dating sites to be gain financially.
As you met your lady online then your friends are simply looking out for you, as they have concerns about your future happiness. It’s a risk to get engaged as this lady could very easily spin you a story and put on whatever sort of persona she desires.
With so many money-grabbing predators using online dating sites you should ask any of your friends to research her. Just explain that you value their concerns rather than get defensive, and ask a couple of them to confirm what you already know about this lady.
In this technological world it’s easy enough to find details about people virtually anywhere in the world, so my advice is to revisit her social media presence and analyse the information about the photos that she sent to you. Unfortunately some people will use online dating for nefarious reasons and Russian ladies have a bad reputation for a reason, ranging from fake brides to kidnap attempts. Be cautious because you don’t wish to risk your safety.
You didn’t mention how long you have been chatting online, but I would guess that it has only been since March’s lockdown. However many phone and video calls you’ve made you still really don’t really know her, so set realistic expectations if she either wishes to move to Jamaica or wants you to reside in Russia.
If you do meet in the flesh it’s unlikely that either of you will look as perfect as you saw in your respective photos and videos, so focus on why you agreed to meet in the first place to see if there is any emotional and/or physical connection. We all have an innate need to feel safely attached to another person who’ll consistently be there for us.
Try to gauge whether she is the one for you by considering three vital aspects, as it seems that you would not have an issue if roles were reversed. Will you be a top priority to her? Does she care about your well-being from afar? Would she comfort you if you revealed that you were sad?
If she passes these questions and your friends can settle their worries by discovering that she is genuine then the last litmus test is all down to meeting in person. If the connection is there face-to-face then there’s no reason for a romantic relationship not to be perfectly possible for you and this Russian lady.
I’m a 40-year-old single woman that likes the attention that Caribbean men give me because I’m leggy, slim and curvy, but I need advice about my next vacation as I don’t want men hitting on me.
I’ve gone island crazy here in Jamaica so I want to see somewhere new in the Caribbean region. I’m thinking Antigua, Barbados, Cuba or the Turks & Caicos? Where would you prescribe for me as the remedy to find solace and sun?
Annette, May Pen
Love Doctor’s Answer
As you sound like hot stuff then a new adventure to another island may bring some freshness and perspective as you may be tired of hearing the same old pick up lines day in and day out in Jamaica.
But all Caribbean men in general are passionate about the same things such as family, food and music. And when it comes to romance they tend never to be lost for words to make you feel special and swoon.
The biggest failing with some Jamaican men is their lack of loyalty, which may account for you being single, although they do arguably offer an abundance of unique assets that usually outweigh their wandering eye.
If you are seeking an alternative island for a Caribbean vacation away from men hitting on you then Cuba is definitely the obvious choice. Locals are not permitted to fraternise with tourists, and the government comes down heavily to punish anyone who fails to obey their stringent rules.
Although Cuba is only a stone’s throw from Jamaica the ambience is very different, and the music is Spanish-influenced. But their love for rum equals Jamaica with numerous cocktails available.
Varadero, the hotspot on the island for celebrities and the wealthy before Fidel Castro took charge, is a stretch of all inclusive hotels on powder white beaches although no one actually resides there – it is simply a tourist trap to make the government money. However, it is very relaxing with the efficient Cuban police on patrol along the beaches for locals trying to catch Conch and sell their shells to unsuspecting visitors.
The food is far superior at the all inclusive resort of Cayo Coco, which is livelier than Varadero and boasts even better beaches. If you are after sightseeing then the historic capital of Havana offers an amazing experience, but with no all inclusive hotels you may find eating out constantly a bit of a chore and miss the beach. Be aware that taxis cost an arm and a leg in Cuba for tourists, so book excursions if you visit Havana.
Antigua, more African-influenced than European, is awash with former London taxi drivers who are the most likely men on the island to hit on you. Like Jamaica it boasts excellent food, endless music and gorgeous beaches – 365 beaches to be precise – but has experienced drug problems from time to time.
Barbados, close to the equator so the sun penetrates more than in Jamaica, is a small and friendly island with picture postcode beaches. People are happy to talk to you, as they are proud of their island, although they may continuously speak to you about cricket rather than chat you up.
The Turks & Caicos has amazing pink coral beaches, excellent sea for diving and snorkelling and fishing, and is generally uncrowded with an air of sophistication. This will be the most expensive out of your list of potential vacation destinations, with the other guests the only men likely to be flirting with you.
So your vacation will, unless there are Jamaican male guests, be free of the usual type of men who promise you the world and when that doesn’t wash with you they resort to the usual tactics of touching and kissing to try to sway you.
A vacation away from the island of the sweet cold breeze will hopefully leave you fully relaxed and languid, returning to appreciate exactly how a good Jamaican man will make you feel in a romantic relationship.
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