I Just Found Out My Wife Cheated Right Before Our Wedding! – Dear Love Doctor

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form at the end to submit your question(s).

Question: 

During a recent argument between my wife and her sister, my sister-in-law blurted in my presence how my wife cheated on me on the night before our wedding with her best friend.

My wife in the heat of the argument admitted to the act, and her explanation was that it was her last time anyway so it didn’t matter.

Her sister argued that she had continued the relationship on and off for almost two years after our marriage.

I also learned that our only child may not be mine due to her infidelity.

What bothers me most is that my wife doesn’t seem sorry for her unacceptable behaviour. She states that it’s all in the past so I should move on.

But I feel lost and confused. How can I get past this?

Bjorn – Sweden

Love Doctor’s Answer:

You will be hurting emotionally, mentally and physically as you believed that your marriage was built on romantic and sexual faithfulness to each other.

You mention that your wife, on the eve of your nuptials, slept with her best friend.

Alarm bells should have been ringing when you got engaged that her best friend was male.

Prior to your big day you should have explained that by getting married you are now her best friend and confidante – not another man.

A healthy relationship should be between two adults, not three. If you doubt that you are the father of your child then firstly challenge your wife and demand the truth. If you are not convinced by her response then you need to take a DNA paternity test, which are 99.99% accurate.

The tricky situation is that you require this other man to exit your relationship, but if he turns out to be the father you are both going to be tied to him forever.

But you also seek healing after cheating as this revelation has badly affected your self-esteem. 

Lots of questions and listening need to take place between you and your wife to establish what the future holds and whether trust remains.

The reasons that your wife give for her past infidelity will determine whether this was a one-off scenario or whether she may do it again. 

With your marriage violated and life before the argument you witnessed truly over, the big decision is how can you two move forward because the pain you are suffering will ultimately continue.

You are feeling lost by the shock of this sudden revelation and your fear for the future. By making a courageous decision about the future you can plan for the life that you desire, whether as a couple or not.


Question: 

I recently met a girl and have developed feelings towards her. We went out a couple of times before lockdown and things seemed okay.

I assumed she had mutual feelings towards me as well. Yet when I tried to show a bit more of my feelings she started to back off.

  

Now that our movement has been restricted due to COVID-19, she said she is not seeking a romantic relationship right now. What should I do?

-Simpleadventurous

Love Doctor’s Answer:

As you have feelings towards her then you have only one more realistic shot at the dice to show her how romantic you can be if she offered you the opportunity.

The tricky part is trying to subtly persuade her that you are potential boyfriend material.

You mentioned that you went out twice, so the best bet is to send her a gift that reminds her of your two dates. If you went for drinks and know her favourite tipple then arrange to send a bottle to her, or if you went dancing send her a CD of her favourite music.

Add to your thoughtful message a note with the flirty words: Our nights out were amazing and I can only imagine what it would be like if now you were just in my dreams. After lockdown is over let’s meet up and have another beautiful night out x

  

Should she respond positively then at least you have opened up the communication channels.

Should she not respond or her reaction is unfavourable then you have to banish her from your thoughts to concentrate on a lady who will appreciate your romantic intentions.


 

Question: 

I’m far away from my lover and during this difficult time it’s impossible to meet up for the foreseeable future.
 
A relationship via social media seems to bother him, so I’m unsure if I should tell him that it’s better to end our relationship or to wait knowing that we are facing hard times.
 
What do you suggest to do?
 
Margaret, Italy

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Sorry to learn of your dilemma, which indicates that your love interest is Jamaica-based. Being over 5,000 miles apart in the current situation means that your only way to effectively communicate is over the telephone, video apps or social media platforms.
 
As he objects to continuing your long distance relationship over social media, suggest the other channels of communication as a substitute.
 
Should he refuse these by claiming it makes him feel uncomfortable, ask him to come up with a suggestion to keep the flame burning.
 
Leave the onus on him to find a solution, but as you are already mentioning potentially breaking the relationship off this romance appears doomed because of these obstacles.

It sounds as though he accepts it is over, which means you should be prepared to mutually end the relationship rather than one of you dump the other.


Question: 

I’ve been engaged for two years and everything has been perfect with my fiancée except for one sexual aspect.

Each time I go below the equator, within two minutes I get the tap. This leaves her unsatisfied and makes going down an enigma.

How do I tackle this before we get married?

Calvin

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Maybe she wants you to concentrate on her upper body more.

Ladies tend to prefer a true gentleman to notice their face, and during such intimacy I would suggest whispering sweet nothings into her ear to tantalise her senses.

On the other hand it may be an enigma below the waistline to you because you are either not confident or not knowledgeable enough to know what your exact role is to excite her.

Two minutes before the dreaded tap doesn’t sound very promising, it appears that you are unable to satisfy her with your current methods.

Once you have perfected your whispers of sweet nothings that are getting the desired effect, move it up a notch with some suggestions about what treats you have in store below her waistline.

I suggest that you undertake enough research – either through friends, online or discussing it with her – so that you are fully prepared to confidently carry out these actions that will ultimately bring you both immense pleasure and satisfaction.

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