Short Stories

A Reading from The Book of Jamaica, JLP Version – Chapter One

And it came to pass in the land of wood without water that on the 11th day of the 8th month in the year of our Lord 2015, that the fresh prince Andrew Flash leader of the multitudes of the JLP was once again VICTORIOUS against the REBELS who tried to oust him from the palace located at Belmont Road.

So great were the voices of the multitude as they shouted “GIVE US ANDREW, OR THERE WILL BE NO JLP”, that the lords and masters who fronted the inquisition were shaking in their boots, and trembling in their underwear in great fear as they lamented what would happen if they ever dethroned prince Andrew Flash.

And while the multitudes raged at the gates of the great palace, Lord NINJA WARMINGTON upon his entrance gave to the Scribes and Pharisees of the land his middle finger which he raised in solidarity with the multitude in telling these Scribes and Pharisees to F**K off.

Many lamented at this obtuse and vulgar behaviour from one of the lords of the land, but being who he is Ninja Warmington was well aware that in this land of wood without water, he did not have to answer for his actions and could darn well be as disrespectful as he chose to be.


At the end of the inquisition Prince Andrew Flash emerged from the doors of the palace and the crowd roared as he did the DELLA MOVE and stood in his fine garments and shouted to the crowd “YOUR PARTY, MY PARTY, OUR PARTY, amidst which the multitude roared and cheered for their prince.

short story JamaicaYet on the 12th and 13th day of the same year in the same month, the Scribes and Pharisees wrote and distributed their parchments which stated that while Andrew Flash was still prince, the coffer of the palace was empty and that one of the high priests, he who is called St. Aubyn, took to the streets to ask the people of the kingdom to donate two thousand pounds every week to restore the coffer to good standing in order for them to go forth in their attempt to overthrow the enemy known as the PNP, where seated on that throne was the high priestess and queen, Zortia Meeler.

The people murmured amongst themselves and wondered how was it possible when they hardly had any money themselves were they to find eight thousand pounds a month to save the JLP Kingdom from falling. Surely High Priest St. Aubyn was jesting, and as such he was nailed to the JLP cross, where he was CRUCIFIED and his body dragged through the streets of Politics Time for daring to speak such BLASPHEMY from his lips.

And as the people continued to murmur Fresh Prince Andrew Flash told them “FEAR NOT”, as he would be walking from village to village with the Rod of Moses and would strike every ROCK, RIVER, AND CREVICE, and as sure as Moses parted the red sea, he would perform numerous MIRACLES, and get the pounds needed to flow from these ROCKS, RIVERS AND CREVICES.

The multitudes chanted and rocked to the beat of the JLP drum and the broken JLP BELL, because as sure as JESUS wept the Fresh Prince was the now the new Messiah and would not fail.


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