He was still upset at me.
He muttered several expletives as he leaned back in the passenger seat of the Nissan Tida. I couldn’t stand the sight of him. Maybe it had something to do with the pain in my eyes, the shifted tooth that kept pooling blood in my mouth or the pain in my nose that made me cringe every time my finger brushed it accidentally.
He’d landed five solid blows to my face. I didn’t deserve that. It took a night out in the dew until one am and my face flooding with tears for me to accept that I was sleeping with satan himself. I had to get out. I needed to get out or I would be wrecked.
His dark brown eyes blazed at me. Sweat poured from the bumps on his face brought on by the “bleaching”and his small mouth puckered like an insolent toddler. He was still mad at me and I was ashamed of myself.
I kept remembering the look on my brethren’s face this morning. Nothing brought me more pain than seeing the tears pooling in the eyes of a male friend and the distress written all over his face.
John seethed, arms flailing in frustration. “Darling you need help or else me ago lose you”
He continued with vehemence. “That bwoy ago kill you”
I still saw murder in his eyes. He said he wanted the car to go and get something for his mother. I doubted it. He probably wanted to go on some show and tell flex.
He shot daggers at me with his eyes. ” Me did tell you say me want me and you go nowhere, a wah do deh gal here man?
I choked and whispered in a faint voice. “Okay! Go do what you have to do and let me get back the car”
I followed along in pain and I knew as of today that I would be free of him. This was my last goodwill. He might as well enjoy it. He brought it back an hour later with a bag of lies and whispering incoherently in a soft tone to someone on his phone.
I snickered at my reflection as I did the ratio. He gave me a baby, several blows to the head and face, numerous kicks and burns, disrespect, verbal and emotional abuse. I gave him an iPhone, computer, Tablet, three hundred thousand dollars, shoes and clothes, Jewellery and this was my interest on my investment, beatings every other day. I thought about what if I wasn’t pregnant, he would be beating me with a machete as he has vowed to do many times before.
I noticed he spoke to me with a particular sneer in his voice. I didn’t only hear hatred, I heard contempt. Here I was yet again being nice to him thinking that maybe, just maybe if I was more generous he wouldn’t treat me this badly. He would see me as a good person but all he saw was weakness and then some.
How could a man beat a woman who is carrying his child? How could he do this to me? He told me on several occasions. ” Saf me wish you people coulda see me heart, how it black!!!”
It was black indeed. He called me the next day and all he spoke about was the money and how stressed he was because of debt. He didn’t ask about my eyes, he didn’t know I can’t stand the sun, my eyes hurt whenever I move them or that I sleep every two hours because my eyes are hurting and tired. He doesn’t care about me. All he wants is money.
I am living in fear. I am afraid to report him to the police because I don’t want him to hate me, I don’t want them to hurt him. Yet from all indications, he already hates me and I only wish he could show me the same courtesy of not wanting to hurt him as he had done me.
His mother said he was only taking out his stress on me and that I am the one causing these things to happen to myself as I just needed to help him out and he would be nice to me. I snickered. Now I understood why he is the way he is. A sense of humanity and human decency should dictate that he be nice to me, not for how much I have to offer him.
She said he claimed I wanted to make him the laughing stock of the community, how him start house and can’t finish it. He already made me a laughingstock. People muttered insults behind my back, called me an educated ass and regard me with indignity for taking up this “Likkle careless” bwoy and a treat him like a king. The world knew I treated him way better than he deserved.
Now he wants to kill me.
I could never do enough good for him to ever love or respect me. It always boiled down to him leaving me because I am taking too long to give him what he wants. Now he isn’t just leaving for a two week hiatus with some new fling. He wants to permanently put me out of my misery.
My four year old said “mommy mi ago take the water gun weh Javian give me and shoot him. When him come here just walk away and mi ago shoot him. Me ago buy one big water gun make you can shoot him. Just go do your business and buy KFC fe me and no buy none fe him… Buy clothes fe me and no buy none fe him, you soon better mommy, you soon better!!!
I admired her strength. I pulled her into my arms and said. “Bom, Bom, don’t make no man beat you and don’t love no man more thatnyou love yourself”. She nodded and patted my sides with both hands. I’ve never felt more comforted in my entire life.
Excerpt from Crystal Evan’s New Novel The Bunna Man Part II