Women, abusive relationships and getting support

I applaud women in unhealthy relationships who took the initiative to leave for therein lies a display of strength.

Some women remain in abusive and harrowing unions because they are afraid of being alone, uncomfortable with people judging them for making a bad choice in the first place and being reluctant to lose what they invested in the (non) relationship.

If you chose to get out, you have not lost, you are on your way towards winning. You took back the power for yourself. You might have given away your power to another in the name of love but by making a decision to leave, you have regained control and let no one tell you otherwise.

  

I recently listened to a female chastising instead of reassuring a young woman who recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. The young lady felt worse even when she believed she was making a step forward. She was pitied and made to feel bad for being with someone like that in the first place. Instead of championing her efforts, her self esteem and sense of self came under attack.

support women in abusive relationships
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Women going through a break up 

Seek out the companionship of individuals who will understand your plights. You will discover in your quest for recovery and support that some individuals might become judgmental, impatient and quite often re-traumatize and victimize you instead of championing your efforts towards recovery. These individual’s opinions may cause you to relapse instead of buoying you forward. Please avoid such individuals and if you must communicate with them, ensure that your communication is not based on your personal life and problems.

Some people are not equipped to deal with the problems of others and may have other problems of their own. Think about the situations of your receiver before you unload your problems to that person. If this person is having some kind of crisis, it is best to muster the courage to lend support. Choose your support group wisely and you will get the best results.

Psychologizing and understanding the disintegration of the relationship may offer a level of closure but you need support for emotional repair.

Consistent and unswerving support improves your capacity to achieve durable and positive change tenfold. Have friends that you can count on for positive reinforcement and reassurance. Your friends should be able to help you get back up when you fall midstride your progress. Your friends will be able to nudge you along when you experience bouts of resignation. Someone who is willing to see you through, by applauding your advances and being the crotch for your strides when you feel broken or weak on your way to recovery from abuse.

Go out and have fun, restore a pattern of familiarity in your life. Reconnecting with what brought you peace and happiness can help you get through the low days when you will feel your worst and give into your crumbling emotions. Even if your relationship ended on amicable terms, you still need time to grieve. Only time can heal a broken heart and remember this too shall pass.

  

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Crystal Evans

Crystal Evans was born in Westmoreland Jamaica. She is the author of several books centered on her experiences growing up in rural Jamaica and the Jamaican cultural nucleus. She is a voracious reader.

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Carol Joanna Lloyd
5 years ago

Great advice.

Ann P Turner
5 years ago

Been there, done that and it’s not an easy road. It’s very painful but at the end of it you find yourself, discover who you are and find peace. It’s well worth the journey.