Gleaner prophets must not get away scot-free

It is true, as Christopher Hitchens claimed that one can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to truth if one becomes known as a pastor-prophet. Nonetheless, the prophet and prophetesses whose divine forecasts for 2014 were published in the Gleaner in late December must not be allowed to get away scot-free. Their largely nebulous prophesies and inane prayer requests ought to be an affront to any self-respecting human or god.

In one of their predictions for 2013, for instance, they declared: “The Lord says, ‘I shall do a thing in Maroon Town.’” What is ‘a thing’, and was it done?

Among 2014’s prophesies is the proclamation that: “Three major companies in Jamaica might go down…” Are they going down or not? “Twenty states in the USA” they heralded, “will be hit hard.” What exactly will hit them hard? Over-baked clots of falling manna, perhaps?

We are commanded to: “Pray for the health of The Queen.” Why? “Pray for Donald Trump…Miley Cyrus.” Why? I agree with praying for D’Angel given her recent salsa at Sting. But why should I pray “for all Christian TV stations”. Are they all ordained? What about Islamic and Hindu TV stations? God didn’t leave a note for them?

The God of apostle Steve Lyston and prophetesses Michelle Lyston, Doris Hutchinson, Sophia DiMuccio and Nadra Brotherton seems decidedly pro-Obama, pro-British monarchy, and of course, pro-T.D. Jakes. He appears to be anti-Middle East, and of course, anti-marijuana.

I read, wide-eyed, their declaration that there are “…other prophecies revealed for 2014 (that) are classified”? What comedy this is! I need to know what these are. I hope there’s a Snowden-inspired cherub in heaven who’s brave enough to release these ‘classified’ files.

Expectedly, they have ventured to absolve themselves from any denunciation resulting from unrealised prophesies with this clever celestial disclaimer: “God reserves the right to hold His hand back from any form of judgement…” Of course! These, God’s servants, do not only know their craft, they’re, indeed, equally crafty.

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