Can I Find Fireworks Again With A New Love Interest?

If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.

Alternatively send a direct email to [email protected] or via WhatsApp to +385 97 655 8066.

Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

It’s been almost four years since I split up with the man who was the love of my life.

We clicked from the moment we met. We enjoyed brilliant vacations and we spent as much time together as possible. He was caring, kind, passionate and he truly adored me.

One day I felt as though I was suffocating from this amazing relationship and I just walked out on him. I’ve never explained to him why we had broken up, because I was confused and now I’m embarrassed.

I’ve had numerous first dates since, but no one has excited me like my ex-boyfriend. I’m very tempted to call him to meet up because there doesn’t seem to be anyone else that I get romantically involved with. What should I do?

L, Westmoreland

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Finding a new man that lives up to someone that you truly believe is your true soulmate is an almost impossible task.

Your ex-boyfriend set the gold standard for you, by possessing plenty of positive attributes that you mentioned. Showing great character was exemplary by him and made you feel loved.

A repeat of feeling so special with another man is eluding you because you haven’t found a suitable upgrade over such a substantial period of time. Maybe you have set yourself very high standards, or your ex-boyfriend was so remarkable that you simply cannot get him out of your heart and head.

Obviously you felt he was good looking, and there were probably certain physical attributes that he possessed that you’ve not been able to find with another man.

Remember that good looks fade, but good character doesn’t. So should you decide to try and rekindle your romantic relationship you know your former boyfriend will always possess good character.

If you wish to find an alternative love interest, you should seek someone with good character rather than relying on looks as the attraction if you are aiming to have a long-term relationship.

My book ⁠— Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever ⁠— provides a 20-chapter step-by-step guide, full of tips on how to obtain a meaningful and loving relationship.

If you want to still find someone to finally replace your ex-boyfriend, but never seem to get past the first date, you must start to tackle dating differently. My advice is on your first date try to be mysterious, and by that I mean you should try not to reveal too much about yourself.

If you aim to do 30 percent talking and 70 percent listening, then there’s no need to tell your date too much about yourself.

First dates fail if there’s not much in common, but also when at least one of you has stated too much about themselves – such as age, job, car, hobbies, musical taste, children, pets etc.

SECOND DATE IMPORTANCE
Check out my tips on how to secure a second date. Making the man leave the date knowing very little about you will intrigue him if he found you attractive. This means the he will be determined to ask you out again to learn more about you.

A second date is really the do-or-die scenario. It is very similar to the situation when you see something you really like when shopping. For females that is generally a bag or shoes. Sensible people will take a photo of what they desire and not make an impromptu purchase.

Instead they will return for a second look and decide whether they really want it or not. It is the same with dating, because on a second date you both see the person slightly differently. Both of you being more relaxed greatly helps.

Good second dates turn to third dates and so on. A true gentleman will have presented you with a delightful gift by the third date, such as a piece of jewellery, and he should be quizzing you about taking a vacation.

BUILD UP TRUE LOVE
To ensure that any relationship is going in the right direction, you need to love someone affectionately then romantically before you become intimate. Sticking to that order is imperative because it builds mutual respect and trust.

Your previous boyfriend from years ago may have been your ideal man when you were together, but his attitude to life will have altered.

The fact that you walked away without explaining why means that you two have never had closure. Until you get closure, then both of you are going to be constantly thinking about each other as your former romantic relationship sounds idyllic.

Although you prefer a second shot to closure with your ex-boyfriend, you need to prepare yourself for a potential rendezvous as well as him refusing to see you because he remains badly hurt by your disappearing act.

THE PAST HAS GONE
You damaged his self-esteem when you ended things without talking things through, some people will never forgive their former partner. If he has been in touch, in a friendly manner, over the past year then that indicates he has moved past you walking out. Although you need to explain to him why you did, apologise and ask for his forgiveness.

You didn’t mention whether you had been in touch with each other since the split. Maintaining some form of communication, even if it is just an occasional message, would certainly be a positive step to potentially resurrecting your relationship.

You should try and find out his current relationship status before suggesting that you meet up. Nowadays that’s pretty easy because of social media. However, it may be worth asking around, although be subtle as you don’t want your ex-boyfriend finding out.

Once you feel courageous enough, and checked that he is single, then make contact with him but tell him that it is for closure. That means he will be overjoyed if you two click when you meet face-to-face.

He should be highly delighted at the prospect of giving your loving relationship another whirl, after he was prepared just to discuss closure.

PSYCHOLOGY TIP
When you contact him follow the Love Doctor Monti psychology tip of two positive sentences, ensuring that you don’t use the word I, followed by a short sentence of what you really want without a yes or no option.

So your opening sentence should be about how great he is, but avoid praising his looks, Follow it up with a sentence about how fantastic you were as a couple. Finally suggest meeting for closure and offer him two choices of when and where.

Once you have managed to seal a rendezvous then you should prepare what you will wear without going over the top. Your former partner wants to see the real you, so you should ideally dress smart casual. To help lure him towards dating again I urge you to wear a citrus scent, which will awaken his sexual senses.

I strongly suggest that you need to be prepared by mentioning three things that you two did, such as a night out and vacation. These need to be adventures that you would like to repeat if you become a couple once more.

SEAL WITH A SMILE
The reason is that if you talk about this trio of wondrous times, you can slip in the telling sentence “We should do that again” and gauge his reaction. You could seal the deal of getting back together with those words and a stunning yet sexy smile.

Although you can speak fondly about the past together, you should focus on the future. Find out what he’s being doing over the significant amount of time you’ve been apart, but most importantly try to discover what his goals and aspirations are.

You obviously had similar interests and outlook in life for you to be so enthusiastic about your former romantic relationship, so you need to see if his aspirations align with yours. This will determine whether you have can have a future together or whether you opt for closure and can finally move on romantically.

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