Will Sorry Be Enough To Get My Perfect Partner Back?

If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.

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Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

The one-year mark since I spilt up from my boyfriend has just passed. I can’t
believe that we’ve not gotten back together because we remain single and heartbroken.

He was the only man that truly awakened me romantically and passionately. His affection and consideration for me was far above how any other partner had ever treated me.

I recently reached out to him with a message to see how he was. He quickly replied, but I told him that I would write to him but I didn’t.

I humiliated him with the way I abruptly ended things and failed to contact him as promised. I urgently need to know how to get him back in my life forever.

B, St. Andrew

Love Doctor’s Answer:
 
A messy break-up is bad enough. To reject him by not bothering after promising to write means the trust has waned.

Unless you both believe that you are true soulmates, then you are ultimately going to find it extremely tricky trying to lure him into your arms again.

As you’ve stated that both of you are single, and indeed devastated by the break-up, this points to you keeping tabs on his romantic status. Be careful, because he won’t appreciate knowing you are watching his movements.

Following what he is doing, and whether he is enjoying the company of other attractive ladies, will obviously be eating you up. Although you know that he’s still licking his wounds, if you suddenly became aware that he had returned to the dating scene then how would you react?

Being realistic about what you would feel like is a strong indication of your deep-rooted feelings for this man. Despite the confusion by leaving him in such a manner, you still yearn to be his long-term partner.

Again you should undertake some soul searching about why you wish to have a second shot at a meaningful romantic relationship with this man. Just because you would jump at the opportunity does not mean he would too, even though he remains devastated by the split.

To fully recover from a broken heart and be emotionally available again tends to take three years if the partner truly was someone so very special.

If you really want to try to gain his belief and confidence in you, it’s crucial to stay fully focused on your ultimate goal of being reunited and not slip up again.

Loving relationships are frequently like a game of snakes and ladders, with decent partners there for you during the difficult times as well as the fun-filled moments.

As you haven’t fully explained why you decided to dump him unceremoniously, this will be an obstacle about moving forwards and potentially repairing the relationship unless you can be direct, honest and apologetic towards him.

SORRY MATTERS
However, once you have explained your reasoning behind your actions and said sorry, there should never be a repeat of your bad behaviour, and he must never speak about it if you both wish to maintain a solid romance.

Your best bet is to reveal your cards by getting in touch with him through a handwritten note, and maybe even add a gift. Ideally send this to his workplace or home at the start of the week, which means he will be partly distracted as busy.

A simplistic trio of sentences should do the trick, as long as you follow my two-one psychology tip. That means you do not use the word I nor ask any questions. These sentences must be short, with the first two being positive about you two as a couple followed by what you so despwant.

You are chasing a face-to-face rendezvous, so mention a new bar or establishment that you’ve noticed and let know that you would love to visit there with him for a catch up.

Should you decide to send him a gift, make it personal and inexpensive by adding a note of ‘This really made me think of you’. Ideally it should be something that you know he likes from your dating days.

If he can be tempted to meet up, ensure that you immediately make the humble apology for walking out on him and for not getting back in touch.

PHOTOGRAPHIC MAGIC
Take two or three photos of you together during happy times, it is easy enough to get these printed, and tell him that these are for him. Thank him for the fabulous moments you experienced, and see if he starts being enthusiastic about these.

What you can say, as long as he is so positive about these photos and what your shared, is that you would like to do it again with him. This is when you must gauge his reaction by reading his body language as well as listening to his words.

If he agrees, then don’t try to nail him down to organise a day trip or a vacation then and there. Instead you can bring this up after you’ve seen each other a handful of times and there’s chemistry.

Planning a day trip or vacation together will be the litmus test as to whether you are compatible on a long-term basis. Should it feel strained, you need to turn this time together into closure so that you part on good terms.

You mentioned the romantic and passionate aspects in your relationship, which you wish to revisit. Yet you are going to have to build up mutual respect and trust before these resurface and become the all-important glue that keeps you together.

ALIGNED ASPECTS
Being together you can ascertain whether your aspirations, goals and hobbies align without letting your respective careers potentially jeopardise repairing your romantic relationship.

What prevents most couples from getting back with an ex is how they perceive them the second time around. Both of you possessing the desire to rebuild intimacy and regaining trust are essential if you wish to live happily ever after.

People can alter over a short period of time if you don’t see each other, and after a year apart you may not still have the same spark between you. What will start off as loving each other affectionately needs to turn to romance and intimacy, because without this your relationship is doomed.

You view him as your perfect partner, but must first deal with the barriers you put up so that he can also consider you to be his ideal lady by admitting the blips were your mistake.

As you have mentioned that he was the only man to reawaken your romance and passion, you have a huge opportunity to admit your mistakes and both of you potentially agreeing to hit the reset button. With mutual commitment you have an excellent chance to forget the pass and focus on the future together.

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