Can I Get My Ex To Forgive Me Rather Than Forget Me?

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Question:

I walked out on my ex-boyfriend just after Christmas to concentrate on my career. I blocked every avenue of communication in case he got upset, even though he never got cross during our year together.

I’ve got my career back on track and I unblocked him by making contact via WhatsApp. I was upset because his profile showed him with another woman, who’s younger looking and prettier than me.

This photo prompted me to be extra nice to him with a couple of short messages, because I miss him and I want to repair what we had. He wasn’t very friendly with his replies and I’m waiting for him to message me like he used to.

I’ve checked with mutual friends. They said he’s single after a brief rebound relationship. How do I get him back in my life?

Ayla, Kingston

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Your ex-boyfriend is understandably frosty towards you because of the pain and anguish he would have ultimately suffered by your split following 12 months together.

The fact that he immediately jumped into another romantic relationship, albeit only a rebound, would have lessened the blow to deal with his utter disappointment.

It’s surprising that he still retains a profile picture with this lady that he only experienced a brief fling with. Maybe that’s because he yearns to be with her again, wishes to ward off any other women because he doesn’t wish to be heartbroken again, or it makes him feel loved having that image on display.

Regardless of his reasons for displaying this photo, for you to try and establish a mature conversation you’ll have to get the ball rolling by breaking the ice once more.

Your attempts to engage him in conversation have initially failed, but that was possibly down to communicating about yourself and forgetting to apologise to him for what sounds like a cruel break-up.

Walking out on someone that you claim to love is a devastating blow to them, unless of course they’ve done something wrong to warrant such drastic behaviour.

To block an ex veers on narcissism and doesn’t portray you in a particularly good light. It’s little wonder that he jumped into the arms of another lady because you would have dented his confidence, self-esteem and self-worth by vanishing from his life and drastically blocked all forms of communication.

HEALING TAKES TIME
Time is the only healer, which generally can take up to three years for the heart to fully repair. You have a strong chance to rebuild what you had if he will accept your forgiveness, because this is only a fairly recent split.

As you were the one who instigated the break-up, preferring to concentrate on your career over your relationship, the onus is on you to try and repair this former romance.

Reaching out via WhatsApp offers you the opportunity to add a photo and your voice rather than just send a one-dimensional message.

I urge you to initially send him a voice message that’s chirpy and tells him that something reminded you of him along with an anecdote to put a smile on his face.

This should trigger the feel-good factor for him, even though he’s still probably deeply hurt by your disappearing act just after Christmas.

SAYING SORRY MATTERS
You need to follow up this with another voice message that includes an apology, but don’t grovel otherwise you’ll sound desperate. Just follow my two-one trick, which I’ve implemented for decades and works wonders in all sorts of situations.

Your verbal message needs to sound jolly and not solemn, avoiding usage of the word I. You must give him two positives over a couple of sentences, then convey the fact that you’re sincerely sorry to have disappointed him and explain why you walked away.

As soon as you’ve sent this voice message, swiftly send a photo of you two together with the words “That day was unforgettable, thanks for being you, let’s catch up soon face-to-face. A x”.

This is where you must patiently play the waiting game for his response. He’s most likely going to feel confused because he’s received an unexpected apology, a photo of you two looking happy together and the suggestion of meeting up.

If he’s the forgiving sort, and still thinks the world of you, then you’ve got a fabulous chance of a repairing your relationship.

LOVE AND HATE
On the other hand, as you broke his trust then he may never wish to see you again and send an abrupt reply. The pain from a break-up can be so devastating that former love for a partner sadly converts to hatred.

Regardless of which scenario you experience, you are best to respond with a gentle nudge of “Never knew it was possible to truly miss someone so special until we met and sadly parted. A x”.

This should help him deal with the torment of grief he experienced, and hopefully he can forgive your bad behaviour.

Should he be dismissive of you, then you need to accept that he no longer has the desire to be with you. This allows you to focus on the future and move on romantically when you feel emotionally ready. However, you can always try to persuade him to meet for closure.

Yet if you can organise a romantic rendezvous then you’re getting close to hitting the jackpot. For a tete-a-tete you should try to go somewhere that you’ve never been together, and definitely both avoid alcohol because one of you could say something you might regret.

Should there still be a spark between you then this will trigger mutual interest. You’ll need to follow my one-two tip initially with an apology, which will put his mind at rest to kick off your get together with positive vibes.

FLIRTING SUCCESS
Try some of my flirting tips, including doing most of the listening. Guide him towards recreating a wondrous experience by mentioning two fantastic times you experienced together and saying point blank: “Those were both amazing times, which one did you prefer because we should try to do that again?”

You’ll be able to gauge from both his body language and his response whether there’s a chance to have a second bite at the cherry.

Either the spark will there or not for your first proper date in six months, and you can awaken his sexual senses by ensuring you sport a citrus perfume.

As well as physical attraction, some of the essential ingredients for a romantic relationship to last the course include mutual aspirations, interests and trust.

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