How Do I Crack Getting My Ex Back?

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Question:

I bumped into an ex-boyfriend that I dated a few years ago, which made my heart feel as though it was on fire. There was chemistry and a glint in our eyes.

We only spoke for a short while, established that we’re both single and we’ve arranged a proper catch up after Easter. I know that I definitely need a haircut and to look more presentable.

The reason for our split was because I got constantly annoyed that his girlfriend before me kept pestering him, and me, with messages and phone calls. They lived together for three years and I’ve never been told why they broke up.

I’ve not dated since our split, as I could never find anyone so caring and trustworthy.

I saw on his social media accounts that he had a rebound relationship straight after me. This woman was the total opposite of me, curvy and tall. Should I mention her when we meet to get any juicy gossip?

I urgently need any advice for our catch up, because I’m super nervous and I really want to get back together with him.

U, Kingston

Love Doctor’s Answer:

It certainly sounds like you’ve yearned for your former boyfriend since your break-up, as you never dated anyone as men you met didn’t measure up to him.

Although you should really have considered some dates, ideally blind dates set up by close friends or family, to see if there was the potential for a romance.

Fantastic news that your chance meeting with this man has resulted in a rendezvous, and it sounds promising that you felt there was a spark. Often when couples split and see photos of each other, or run into, they have no feelings for their former special someone that they professed to love.

It sounds like you two could be genuine soul mates, with part two of your romantic relationship just a matter of time away.

However, there is one major obstacle. You explain that the reason you went your separate ways was due to his ex-girlfriend getting on your nerves with her persistent communication. She should have respected her former squeeze and allowed him to get on with a new romantic chapter.

Although you can’t bring this subject up when you next meet, and for you to finally discover why they broke up. It’s crucial to express your displeasure at her hovering in the background. I’m unsure if you told him that she was the reason for your split, if not then you must reveal this vital information.

It’s easier said than done, but unless you explain to him how much it hurt you then history could unfortunately repeat itself with this prickly problem.

I urge you to drum it into him that you felt both irritated, and at times humiliated, by her being in the background during your romance. Be firm and give him an ultimatum that you cannot contemplate a meaningful relationship by feeling incommodious with his ex-girlfriend being pestiferous.

I believe that his former crush was being deliberately mischievous because they had lived together, so it was her ploy to prove superiority over you as she probably considered you to be a long-term rival for his affections.

You don’t reveal how long you dated this man for, but you certainly don’t ever want to experience any underhandedness from his ex-girlfriend again. She won last time, because it resulted in your split, so fight harder next time to be triumphant.

If you can get a second shot at love with this man, assert yourself more and don’t take any nonsense from him. As you state there was chemistry and he’s single, this opportunity offers him a second bite that no doubt he will also be relishing.

You mentioned your appearance, but if this man is truly your soul mate then he won’t judge you if you’ve had a bad hair day.

Just be yourself, don’t overindulge in alcohol before or after the date and scrutinise my guide to what to wear on a date. Dressing for success paves the way to seeing your ex-boyfriend again.

The best thing during your date is to discuss some of the adventures you had as a couple, find out what you’ve both been up to since and talk about the future.

When it comes to your past, my advice is to limit your conversation to a maximum of three brilliant experiences that ideally includes one vacation.

Tell him why those precious moments stood out and say about the vacation: “We ought to do that again someday”.

This is when you need to read his body language after you’ve uttered those words, to establish whether he would be interested in going away with you.

You’re deadly serious about entering another meaningful romantic relationship with this man, but need to find out he feels the same way because you need to be aligned going forward.

The hurdle of his ex-girlfriend is one thing, but clearly eating you is the fact that he dated straight away after your split and picked a lady who was very dissimilar to you.

What happened between him and her needs discussing, but it’s best to steer clear about this woman on your next rendezvous. You obviously resent her, and appear upset that he entered a rebound relationship, but you couldn’t expect him to sit and wallow in self-pity after your romance ended.

Let him tell you in good time about what went on, but ensure that all is revealed no later than a third date. You want to check that it’s over, and check that she doesn’t resort to the same annoying behaviour of making communication like his ex-girlfriend before you.

Building up mutual trust and respect should be your focus. Stand firm and tell him that if he wants you as his long-term partner that he has to be a one gal guy and not be in regular communication with any of his former crushes.

If he can accept your demands, and you are willing to adhere to some of his requests to keep your relationship on course, then your collective goal should be to make the next 12 months as a loving couple work. This includes taking a vacation when you are both ready to get intimate again and feel that you have fully repaired the romance.

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