Can My 007 Behaviour Be Forgiven?
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Question:
My prayers have been answered as I’ve just heard from the man that I still believe is my destiny. We enjoyed a fleeting but passionate relationship for a magnificent year.
I went a bit James Bondesque by being secretive since our split 18 months ago. I recently reached out to him, expecting to be ignored, but he was his usual charming self with a kind response.
I’m determined to enjoy the longevity of loving relationship with him. What steps should I take to try and repair what we once experienced?
B, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You don’t need to be so harsh on yourself for being reticent following your break-up, as you have declared your interest in restoring harmony and seem thrilled that the channels of communication have just re-opened.
Rather than playing the blame game, which would produce too much negative energy, it’s time to focus on the future and make amends for the 18 months that you’ve been apart from one another.
Declaring someone as ‘the one’, but initially letting them slip through your fingers, makes for a emotional rollercoaster ride in a romantic relationship.
The path of true love is not always easy to navigate. Your first step is to ensure that you become voluble as a couple, as long as you still have genuine and immense feelings for each other.
You haven’t disclosed the reason behind your split, but as your subsequent behaviour was clandestine then I would hazard a guess that you initiated going your separate ways.
Lasting just 12 months means that you either were in each other’s pockets too much, or that the rose-tinted glasses slipped off and at least one of you couldn’t deal with the idiosyncrasies that were initially overlooked in the early stages of your romance.
The foundation to generating a meaning romantic relationship once more, is if you can both accept each other’s flaws and begin to rebuild mutual trust.
Whatever the reason for your split, and it takes two to tango so please don’t go on a guilt trip if it was your fault, there’s now a perfect opportunity to rekindle your beautiful partnership.
If you are true soul mates then you’re have no trouble in building up the love for each other affectionately, move it on to romantic love before the connection of intimacy that you once experienced.
There’s no need to get over enthusiastic at this stage, because it could just be politeness from his message as you refer to your former love interest as “charming”.
I suggest that you kick off by exchanging words via messages with the ultimate aim of meeting up in person.
You surely have mutual interests and shared aspirations, which would have been part of the glue that held you together in the first place. This holds your relationship in good stead.
Keep your communication short and sweet, no more than three sentences and try to avoid the word I.
When one of you believes the time has come to suggest a rendezvous, ensure that you find somewhere to meet that doesn’t serve alcohol. This is simply to avoid one of you saying something about the split that you may later regret.
Meeting up in person is ideal, because then you can read each other’s body language and obviously have lots to talk about. As you will have lost the momentum of your romance, there’s every chance that you won’t have the same connection the very first time you get together.
Yet this chemistry will soon reappear after you both feel more comfortable and relaxed with each other.
Although the past has gone, when you meet face-to-face you should be fully prepared to discuss some of the best moments together such as days out or vacations.
By bringing up these happier moments up offers you the chance to trigger a suggestion of repeating these. If you experienced a wondrous time on vacation then concentrate on two of these standout trips, speak about these and boldly suggest that you should do that again.
This is when you can gauge how serious your former partner is about repairing the broken relationship. If he is a keen, respectful and a gentleman then he’ll agree to going on vacation together and offer to pay for the hotel.
On the other hand, you should check whether your ex-boyfriend is currently in a relationship because you don’t want to rock the boat and end up disappointed.
Should he not be single, keep your communication to once or twice a week and bide your time until he suggests meeting up. This will occur if you are destined for each other, and you need to be patient at having a second shot.
As for ensuring longevity between you, I urge you to read some of the latter chapters of my book Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, which will guide you towards the ultimate goal of living happily ever after.
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