I’m Hurt, Should I Shelve My Mean Man?
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Question:
My first Christmas with my new boyfriend of three months was a bit of a damp squid. I finally met his parents, who quizzed me way too much.
I was deeply insulted because he bought me just one boring and small Christmas present, which was for the kitchen and not me! I got him lots of gifts. I’m not materialistic but I do like to feel loved and special.
Should I dump him or voice my concerns about feeling uncomfortable about his family probing and his lack of thoughtfulness?
B, St. Thomas
Love Doctor’s Answer:
The rose-tinted glasses seem to have already slipped off for you. This has been sped up by his insensitive choice for a Christmas present, rather than picking out an intimate gift for you.
It sounds like you were extravagant with thoughtful presents to celebrate your first Christmas together. Understandably you are hurt by his failure to come anywhere close to him reciprocating your kind gesture.
This is a red flag that has warranted you to question the relationship moving forward, and with St. Valentine’s Day fast approaching many couples chug along until the most romantic day of the year has passed.
As women are generally in the driving seat when it comes to relationships, then the ball is firmly in your court to proceed.
My advice is to definitely open up the channels of communication to explain your disappointment over the festive season. It is time to mention his Christmas present, and to let him know that you never wish to be interrogated by his parents again.
You can always make a light-hearted joke about your Christmas gift, asking him if he considers a woman’s role is in the kitchen.
If he gets defensive about both of your concerns, and this starts an argument, avoid saying anything untoward that is personal about him.
Should he start to criticise your character or looks then he will have destroyed your romance. This is because we don’t ever forgive or forget personal assassinations.
BRING ON VALENTINE’S DAY
He may just have been short of cash this Christmas and wishes to spoil you rotten for Valentine’s Day. Maybe he is not a particularly generous man or isn’t used to having a girlfriend, so he needs some guidance from you.
Your best bet is to bring up some ideas on how you would like to spend 14 February, and ask him what he thinks.
Tell him that you would like something that shows his love for your inaugural Valentine’s Day, and try to read his body language when this is brought up as well as his words.
If he is a keeper and respects you then he will have learned his lesson from the mistake of giving you a solitary Christmas present that was practical.
As for his family, he simply needs to have a quiet word with them and hopefully the next time you meet they won’t be so invasive. Perhaps he rarely dates, and they were intrigued by you.
Giving him the heave-ho for his family’s behaviour is a bit harsh, even coupled with his thoughtlessness.
PROS AND CONS LISTS
If you doubt a long-term future together, you should compile a pros and cons list of five aspects about your boyfriend for a reality check.
Once these have been compiled, you will soon discover how you really value your squeeze. If the pros veer towards his looks rather than his character, this is an indication that it is soon time to go your separate ways.
For a meaningful romantic relationship to work, you require some essential ingredients. These include mutual interests as well as similar aspirations, dreams and goals.
If you orchestrate some good communication between you, which can be kicked off by telling him how upset you were overall by his parents and Christmas gift, this is a terrific start to getting your relationship back on track.
To build a long-lasting romance you must both to follow the Jamaican adage of “focus on the future”, and forget these two Christmas blips.
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