Can I Stop Being Photo Bombed From Dating Apps?
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Question:
My long-term relationship died a death last month and left me devastated. Galpals guided me towards dating apps, but these are a nightmare.
Men hassle me with obvious cut and paste messages, but even worse is the continuous photos of their manhood. Why do they bother to send these?
Is there a way to halt this bombardment of unpleasant images and any tips for online dating?
K, Manchester Parish
Love Doctor’s Answer:
For some unexplained reason so many single men on dating apps believe that it is acceptable to blitz women with both the same message that they send to everyone as well as photo bomb them with an explicit photo.
This behaviour is unfortunately associated with most dating apps, and gives some of these a bad reputation.
Men who are lazy will frequently write one message then start cannonading the hundreds of women that they find visually appealing, rather than take the time to read their profile and prepare a personalised message.
As getting dates from these sites are two-a-penny, men are visual creatures so are generally desperate to meet up with attractive-looking ladies, the likelihood of a romance blossoming is slim.
Generally speaking, only those who are constantly demoralised by the continuous rejection following one or two dates will continue their relationship even if it is nowhere near perfect.
Both men and women are usually fishing for as many dates as possible, not because they are emotionally available and seek a meaningful romantic relationship, but as they don’t want to be lonely and want to prove to friends that they are dating.
Being part of the dating app scene opens you up to a scenario of different types of people, including sex-starved individuals, those displaying a fake profile, married men and serial daters.
Some ladies are unashamingly only on dating apps to get free drinks or a meal by going on one date only. Men have wised up to these predators, so for genuine women they are unlikely to find their dates as chivalrous as they really are because they have had their fingers burned.
I’ve tested out a popular dating website for 24 hours using fake profiles of a man and a lady, with slightly above average looks, to see how many messages I would attract without replying.
My experiment garnered over 200 messages an hour for the female profile (I didn’t open any images received!) and just under 50 messages an hour for the male. There were obvious fake profiles making contact, with the majority of messages a cut and paste.
Every single message was generic, never a mention about some of the fairly unique information I included. It seems that the users looked at the images and fired off the same words as they did to a plethora of
people.
TIME-CONSUMING DATING APPS
Had I been genuinely looking for love on a dating app it would take up so much time that it would be like having a part-time job before even arranging a date.
If you wish to persist with an online dating app then be cautious about who you meet, reveal as little about yourself until you believe you can trust the man and always meet somewhere public that is busy.
Don’t accept being collected from your home or work, just meet at the venue. Always get at least one friend to check in on you via a phone call, and you can use a code during your date to indicate that you are happy and safe, such as replying “Sorry you have the wrong number”.
Sieve through the replies before taking any action. My advice is to ignore all men whose message is not bespoke, apart from swapping the name at the start. In all probability you are simply on a conveyor belt of being messaged the same thing.
These men are highly likely to accept any date, and even if you begin a relationship he could try to find what he perceives to be an upgrade.
It’s a game to these types of hungry dating men, who brag about the ladies they are dating and show off the photo of the lady that they met once or have lined up a date with.
GROUNDWORK FOR A DATE
These are not really dates, they are preliminary dates. It’s almost the same as going to a job interview and claiming you have landed the job when you were overlooked. A single meeting for a date to sound each other out is not a proper date.
As for men sending you inappropriate images of themselves, your best reaction is to reply with a simple message before blocking them. Just reply “Why have you sent me a photo of a mushroom?”
The man should be mortally offended by this, but fortunately for you he is blocked so he cannot respond with a barrage of abuse because you hurt his pride.
It is unacceptable for men to fire off photos like this, and that part of the body (like feet) is not exactly the nicest to take a picture of.
When you go on a date and things are running smoothly but you are unsure about a man, there’s a litmus test to find out if you could be anyone or are someone special to him.
PHOTO REVEALS ALL
Ask him if he would prefer a photo of you naked or in swimwear. If he says naked then he’s not going to be the sort of man that you should introduce to your parents.
If he opted for the swimwear image, because that is seductive and shows lots of flesh (men are attracted by plenty of flesh being revealed), then you could be onto a winner. If he asks for this specific photo, just tell him that is down the line.
You can move forwards either on the dating app or by meeting someone organically by trying to align your aspirations, goals and general interests.
Building up respect and trust takes time, moving from affectionate love to romance and eventually the beautiful act of lovemaking.
With dating apps renowned for being full of individuals seeking their own selfish sexual gratification, rather than allowing a romantic relationship to blossom, you may need to rethink whether you are emotionally available to start dating again.
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