Why Go Back To An Ex?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.
Question:
I’m really confused as I enjoyed a brilliant eight months in a loving relationship, but my girlfriend left me to go back to her former boyfriend who is really wealthy.
Everything was running smoothly. We did exciting things when we saw each other all weekend and once during the week. We even started talking about going on vacation in June/July.
Her relationship with her ex lasted five years before we met, and she had told me it had been boring together. Why her sudden U-turn that’s left me broken-hearted?
L, Trelawny
Love Doctor’s Answer:
There always needs to be an aphrodisiac to keep a meaningful relationship evolving, and it sounds like the attraction of her ex-boyfriend is financial.
After spending five years in her previous romance, which you state your former girlfriend claimed was “boring”, she was seeking some excitement. You seem to have fulfilled that void of exhilaration in her life, but because you were doing so much together it appears that the bubble burst.
Anyone who stays in a romantic relationship for five years was committed to their partner, and there’s always a chance that they may well return to their arms. Especially if they were soul mates, and understand each other’s needs.
The fact that your ex has done a disappearing act is not because you weren’t an upgrade over her long-term love interest, it was simply that you were only ever deemed to be with her for fun ‘n’ frolics on a short-term basis.
Anything up to a year is when a new romance can simply run its course, so it’s always best to not get too seriously involved emotionally until 12 months have passed. Otherwise it can come crashing down, and parties can be extremely hurt by a break-up if they have invested their heart and soul.
Only after a year has passed is when you can candidly speak about planning for the future together, but on this occasion your relationship only lasted eight months.
REALITY BITES
There’s no need to torment yourself by trying to analyse the situation, which unfortunately sounds as though it has hit you hard. The reality is that she seems to have treated your romance like she would a vacation by enjoying fun-filled times together, which were probably the opposite of her previous long-term relationship.
However, there’s always a danger when you are on a roll within the first year of having too much fun. It may seem idyllic to enjoy such happy times, but the reality is that couples can’t evolve properly simply based on a life of amusement and relaxation.
We can only fully savour being on vacation for so long before complacency sets in. The first week of a fortnight’s break is generally the most pleasurable because it’s new and we tend to go full throttle. The same can be said for fun-loving relationships when couples do not live together, with the original buzz gradually fading.
The day-to-day life when living under the same roof offers stability, mutual respect and shows commitment. This is a far cry from being a part-time relationship of midweek and weekend fun together.
Your ex-girlfriend knows how the land lies with her current squeeze, and with his wealth there’s some stability for them to develop their romantic relationship however boring it may be.
BEST SHOT
You gave it your best shot by having an entertaining and lively time together, but deep down she was not fully committed. As you allowed yourself to become too emotionally involved before a year had passed, you are paying the price by now suffering heartache.
Rather than wallow in pain, it’s time to dust yourself down and learn from your mistake of high expectations that she would be your perfect partner forever.
Accept the fact that this relationship is done and dusted, because even if you lured her back she would only return to her ex-boyfriend once again in due course. It’s best to think positively about those treasured moments, and find your upgrade when you are emotionally ready to embark on a new relationship.
Next time don’t rush things, keep things ticking along at a decent pace so that you can successfully reach the 12-month without any blips. That milestone will be when it is best to discuss how your partner sees the future panning out, and you can then prepare for a short-term or long-term future with her.
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