Dear Love Doctor

Will I Be In The Dog House For Piping Up?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.

Question:

I’ve been dating since November, but I’m concerned by a strange development. We only see each other on weekends, with her dog constantly hanging around with us. She loves her dog, and I get on fine with it.

Her only opportunity to grab dog food is at weekends and when with me, because she works all week.

The issue is that since the start of the year, she always expects me to buy his weekly dog food in the pet shop. I’ve just gone along with it as I don’t want to upset her.

  

How do I nip this in the bud without potentially killing off our relationship?

B, Black River

 

Love Doctor’s Answer:

This is a fairly fresh partnership and you obviously don’t want to rock the boat, so haven’t spoken up and may never do so.

Forking out for a week’s worth of dog is a small price to pay if you really like this lady, and believe that you have a future together.

However, you’re obviously having doubts about this partnership. At the back of mind there appears to be the question of whether she’s taking advantage of your good nature.

You can either grin and bear this situation, begin to act coyly or open up the channels of communication with her to establish the state of affairs.

If you’re happy to let this scenario continue then tread cautiously that she doesn’t begin to start asking you to finance other aspects of her life. You don’t fully know her yet.

  

BE SUBTLE
If she does suddenly expect you to flash the cash, then it may be best to be direct and ask why you have to finance her. She works and has own income, so you can always question why you are paying but this needs to be tackled in a very subtle manner.

It doesn’t sound as though she is being deliberately difficult. Has it ever occurred to you that she is simply testing the water to see if you are a potential keeper?

She didn’t immediately ask you to pay for the weekly dog food, this has only happened this year after you’ve probably become an established couple.

Maybe she’s just used to being looked after by someone who is a traditional gentleman, but financing her pet so early on does seem a bit of a cheek as you don’t live together and only see her mutt on a part-time basis.

SMALL INVESTMENT
You’re definitely in her good books by paying for her dog’s dinners, and obviously taken to her pet although you only refer to him as “fine”. It’s a sensible small investment if you want to keep the flame burning between you.

However, you could box clever by undertaking some research to unearth where the dog food she favours costs less, such as supermarkets and online stores.

It could be worth finding out where a bulk buy would save substantial money, and point these out to her. Even if she doesn’t take the bait it will be cheaper for you.

I suggest you explain that by going shopping on weekends, just don’t emphasise buying dog food as you don’t want to distress her, eats into your time together every weekend.

BE SWEET
Before you mention this, it’s best to come up with some alternatives. Ensure that dropping off the dog with someone, so that you get some high quality time together, is among your proposals and hopefully she’ll think that this is sweet of you.

  

Another alternative is to see what similar dog food is available, large bags of dry food are popular with pet owners and vets alike as these are often packed with nutrients and vitamins.

So you could turn up one weekend with a big bag of delicious sounding dry food and see how both your girlfriend and her mutt react.

Your perceived thoughtfulness could come up trumps, and unless she has an enormous dog then this dry food should last at least two to three weeks.

DEAL BREAKER
If the fact that she’s spending your well-earned money frivolously is a deal breaker to you, then unless you address this situation it will continue to eat you up. Eventually your unhappiness will become all too apparent and you’ll go your separate ways.

Being the man and direct with her is better than being lily-livered and simply accepting the fact that you feel aggrieved at paying for her dog’s food each and every week.

Strong communication is key to building a solid relationship, and if you can address what is upsetting you face-to-face then you should be able to move forward as a couple.

ONE-TWO TRICK
She may be innocently oblivious to the fact that it is not your responsibility to finance her dog’s meals, rather than milking you. If you can use the simple psychology two-one trick then there should be little problem in straightening out this scenario.

The two-one trick means that to tackle this, and soften the blow of what you wish to say, you sugar coat it with two positives before delivering what is bothering you.

For you it’s best to praise her mutt, then add how much fun you have with all three of you at weekends. Then explain that you don’t want to be paying for the dog food each week when you would rather be spending money on her and surprising her with small gifts.

This approach is all about positives as opposed to you expressing dissatisfaction or showing signs of meanness.

  

PRECIOUS TIME
You can include in your conversation how time spent together is precious at weekends, and that by visiting a pet shop to stock up eats into your quality time. Suggest that the time is better spent going for a longer walk, and have some possible venues fully prepared for your proposal.

If you tackle this dilemma as the injured party then you’re very likely to end up looking like the bad guy, with an argument possibly on the horizon as well as coming across as tight-fisted.

By coming up with positives about her and the dog will show your genuine, caring nature. Sensible solutions and the correct kind of approach will prevent you from having to reach for your wallet every week, and hopefully will highlight to her the fact that she’s picked out a good ‘un. 


Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]

5 2 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments