Dear Love Doctor

Silent Treatment Has Left Me Confused

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

My boyfriend keeps calling me ‘Babe’, which I really don’t like as it reminds me of the hit movie about a pig.

It’s gone on for months now, and we’ve come to massive blows about it. We’ve now not spoken for a couple of weeks and he’s blocked me on social media as well as WhatsApp, calls and texts. I tried emailing him but still nothing.

We’ve been dating for just over a year and I’m perplexed about whether we’re over or he’s just in a big huff. Any advice would be welcomed.

  

Keisha, Negril

 

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Love Doctor Monti and his Criss Ting

Good communication is a key element within a happy and loving relationship, and unfortunately this has been stalled by your boyfriend.

The fact that he upset you with his term of endearment was unhealthy for your partnership. Yet it appears a strange scenario that he has gone to the extreme of blocking all forms of communication.

You should try to establish why he is refusing to open the channels of communication, because even if you argue with someone that you love it is still a form of communication.

You deserve to be treated much better than this, having sunk your heart and energy into a meaningful relationship for a little more than 12 months. Sadly, his unacceptable behaviour borders on being abusive towards you.

You may feel confused, but sadly this is a major red flag. He has prolonged his brooding silence for weeks, and clearly shows no desire to want to spend time with someone that until recently he claimed to love.

My advice is to establish whether this man is actually worth any more of your devotion. The harsh reality is that this relationship seems to have ground to a halt, although it could just be a blip.

  

I urge you to use this time to assess how you feel. It’s essential to consider whether you would be happy for him to return into your arms as though nothing had happened, or whether you could feel truly happy with him having done his vanishing act. Yes there’s a sudden void now, but you need to work out whether he was ever really worthy of your love and affection.

What is probably eating you up is that you have no idea what he’s doing with his time. Your good nature has been abused by keeping you out of the picture.

This most likely means he either has something to hide, he has moved on and you are surplus to his life, or he has deep-rooted anger issues and wishes to cool off. All three of those aspects are not promising for you to press the reset button in your relationship.

You need to appreciate and comprehend that he is showing no empathy or compassion by ignoring you for this length of time. This isn’t the correct way to work things out, so it appears he has given up on your relationship.

If you can’t believe this has happened, and wish to either try to repair the relationship or draw a line under it, then you must get in contact with someone who knows him.

You mustn’t criticise him, best to show dignity and respect. Politely ask this person if there’s anything you can do. Explain that your boyfriend has given you space, which for some inexplicable reason doesn’t involve you.

Should you hear back directly from your boyfriend, make it crystal clear that his disappearing act as a way of handling things between you is both disrespectful and hurtful. Explain to him that after everything you’ve been through, that you shouldn’t have to tell him that loving couples’ partners don’t treat each other like this.

If you want to attempt to rekindle things then don’t criticise anything else, just state that you’d like to remain part of the ‘dream team’ that you built up over a year.

Should there be no response, then that’s his own problem and his loss because you have handed him an olive branch and he now doesn’t deserve your love.

  

He appears to be having issues, but he should be man enough to communicate to you to explain that he needs space and will be in touch when he’s ready.

On the other hand he may be secretly craving attention, so definitely don’t bow to him as this could be a form of manipulation. You should try to bounce back from this unfortunate situation, and try not to appear emotionally needy.

If you can’t repair the relationship at least get on with surviving his horrible silent treatment. Bear in mind that his bad behaviour is a strong indication of the early signs of extreme jealousy and possessiveness, so it could be a lucky escape for you in the long run.

Just because he doesn’t want to talk to you then your world shouldn’t grind to a sudden stop. I strongly advise you to keep your mind off him by keeping yourself busy with workstuff and hobbies, maybe join some new groups or start a new hobby.


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