Why Won’t My Exes Accept My New Life?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m really happy with my new boyfriend of six months, but recently lots of exes have been pestering me to dump him and go back to them.
I obviously refused, but it has got to a silly situation where former love interests from even a decade ago are trying to tempt me to return to their arms. Fortunately I moved from Kingston so I won’t bump into any of them.
Blocking them from calls, emails, social media, texts, WhatsApp has worked with most of these men. I’ve now got just two who keep setting up new email accounts to get in touch but I ignore them.
What’s a girl to do to deal with this horrible situation?
C, Montego Bay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well often it’s a great feeling to be wanted, however in this scenario you really don’t want the attention as you want to make your fairly new relationship work.
Your romance seems to be smooth sailing, apart from exes annoying you, so continue to think with your head and follow your heart to maintain the momentum.
I urge you to be assertive and direct with messages from your exes, who seemingly won’t take no for an answer. What can work wonders is by replying to them once with a photo of you and your latest squeeze, and tell them that it is infuriating for you to hear from them when your relationship with them is truly done and dusted.
You must firmly put them in place, and ask them to think that if they were your current boyfriend how would they feel if an ex got in touch to try to rekindle a past relationship?
If they have any empathy then they will show you some kindness and back off. If they don’t then they are being purely selfish and not thinking about your feelings.
Your straightforward response means that there should be no confusion, and if this pair of men continue to set up new email addresses then you should make it clear that you feel stalked.
It is best to reply rather than ignore next time, strongly state that you are upset over this situation and that you are in a solid relationship which you see as being forever.
Tell these exes that you would never entertain entering a relationship with them again as you are history, and you wish to focus on the future so is not worth trying to backtrack.
Remember that Jamaica is very different from the rest of the world. When a man has a love interest then the lady in question is expected to like him back. He will ‘psst’ at a woman, yet even if she refuses to give him time of day he will pursue her and even insult her.
Unfortunately peer pressure has encouraged this attitude, even though it doesn’t occur the other way round with a lady liking a man.
As Jamaican men tend to believe that they deserve the most beautiful and sexy women to be theirs, there tends to be no reality check and too many men love to bun (cheat).
My advice is to be firm and polite next time you hear from any former boyfriends. Simply thank them for the great times that you enjoyed, but state that it is clearly history now.
Suggest that they explore new love interests and wish them immense happiness for the future. Tell them that they are no longer your type as you have grown as a person and developed into someone that they wouldn’t recognise from the past.
By undertaking such a simple task means you will have one clear winner and that is you.
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