How Do I Break This Love Triangle?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m gutted as I’m looking into a love triangle as an outsider.
The woman I’ve been dating for five years suddenly blanked me a couple of weeks ago. I’ve since found out that she’s dating her ex that she used to live with, who dumped her a year before we started stepping out.
Now that I’ve found out she’s jetting off on a mini-cruise with him, I’m all at sea because of this and truly heartbroken.
Do I try to win her back or let her sail off and forget her?
L, St. Elizabeth
Love Doctor’s Answer:
That sounds tricky to try to win her back, and in reality you need to ask yourself if you would want her to return. The general knee-jerk reaction is that you need her in your life because suddenly there’s a huge void.
It’s always devastating for any loving relationship to come crashing down, but much worse when there’s a third person involved.
As she’s gone back to her ex-boyfriend then she obviously believes that the grass is greener with him than you. This mini-cruise will have been his idea of an enticement to win back her heart, and for him to try to prove to her that he’s a changed man.
However, with a five-year gap between them this reunion is more than likely to be lust than love. He’s most likely to want to be intimate with her as quickly as possible, hence the mini-cruise, and after a while she’ll see through him. His flaws, which were so apparent last time, are likely to show and she’ll probably have huge regrets.
Relationships tend not to work the second time round due to the simple fact that there are sugar-coated high expectations for a second chance. The initial stages will be terribly exciting, but give it three months or so and these thrills will have totally evaporated.
She’s most likely to come a cropper and fall on her own sword with respect to this former love interest, who’s now back on the scene.
When it comes crashing down, you need to be in a position – mentally – to cope with her having deserted you should she want to return to your arms.
However, you now have a three-month spell to get back on track in life and not dwell on this scenario because it’s going to be played out by her and this former ex whether you like it or not.
Whatever you do, don’t start checking out her social media channels otherwise you’ll end up disappointed should you see any photos of her with another man. Avoid contacting her, let her get on with her choice of love life otherwise she holds the power over you and because of your contact it will make you look weak.
The reality is that she’s picked him over you. That probably meant she had been stringing you along for years, so think back on any conversations you had about him and her reaction. I would hate for her to have played you like a game of dominoes.
Playing with people’s emotions is cruel, and if she’s done that then just leave her in the past because she’s not worthy of your time, attention and love.
It’s simple enough to get another shot with your ex, but deep down do you really want this?
It’s easier said than done, but now is the time to distract yourself from this sudden heartbreak. Upgrading your wardrobe and appearance is always a useful quickfix. As is finding at least one new hobby, so that you’re out there meeting different people.
My advice is, to deal with this pain, ensure that you are out ‘n’ about with friends and at places where you’ll find yourself smiling more than you have since learning about this lady’s shenanigans.
Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol, instead eat foods that will make you naturally happy such as bananas, berries, coffee, dark chocolate, nuts, seeds and wasabi.
If you can maintain this sort of food and fun, plus keep your spirits high, then should she come looking for you in three months then you’ll be in a much better place than when she last saw you.
This improved version of you will be more an asset to her, and will attract the attention of other single ladies. Then it’s up to you to decide whether you wish to rekindle what you enjoyed for five years, or whether it would be a doomed relationship.
Don’t allow yourself to look in the rear view mirror and apportion blame, the best attitude is to remain positive and focus on the future. Only you can truly determine whether you would be committed to truly trust her to be in a long-term relationship with you if she enters your life again.
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