Dear Love Doctor

Should I Finish With My Money-Orientated Partner Who Makes Me Miserable?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


Things have been a bit strained lately with my lovely partner, who I’ve dated for 2.5 years and briefly lived with last year.

She’s so fussy with everyday things and pulls me up on absolutely everything. She works in the financial sector, which means everything is about money rather than our enjoyment.

I don’t like the idea of chasing after women again at my age (50s) if we break up, and I fear exactly the same problem with another woman.


On top of that dilemma I recently met a sexy woman, and I was honest with her. She’s now waiting in the wings for me.

What should I do to find long-term happiness?

Andrew, Portmore

Love Doctor MontiWomen and men think differently and, from what you reveal, this relationship sounds as though you enjoyed the honeymoon period. Yet once you two stopped living together, then deep down you both knew in your hearts that it’s only a question of time before you part.

If your heart’s not in this partnership, then sadly you are flogging a dead horse as things will only get worse over the next five years. You’ve had a taste of what it was like living under the same roof, yet that has failed to bring you two closer. Instead criticism has arrived.

My advice is that you shouldn’t waste your life. It is drifting between you two, and when you finally split you may well regret that you didn’t end things earlier.

Well done for not playing the field with this other lady. However, if you are never going to be a near perfect team with your current squeeze then maybe you should give her a chance.


At the end of the day you are in charge of your own destiny, and perhaps your partner is deliberately picking constant faults to push you away so the relationship fizzles out organically.

You need to concentrate on finding the right kind of loving partnership that you so desperately crave, and your current love interest is clearly unable to give you what you want.

Personally I think that you should cool it off with your lady for a couple of weeks, then you can discover whether you actually miss each other. This provides you with a chance to have a heart and heart, then you can collectively decide whether you have the desire to rebuild the relationship together.

It will naturally drag you down with constant criticism about small things. Yer escaping those clutches for a fortnight could make you realise that you belong together but each need to change the dynamics of the relationship. On the other hand, one or both of you may come to the conclusion that you should have walked away months ago.

As you sound emotionally needy, by mentioning that you are concerned the same scenario could happen, then you could take the bull by the horns. You may wish to be bold and go on a couple of dates with this new woman who has shown interest in you.

You have been a gentleman and told her frankly that you are already romantically involved. If she is willing to see you, then after two dates you can make a decision about what makes you happy as well as seriously considering your romantic future.

If you get an opportunity to go out with her, at least you will both know whether a meaningful relationship could blossom.

My advice is that you should simply state the truth to your current lady, which is that you are no longer making each other happy.

Now that you no longer live together it seems obvious that the relationship has drifted away from what it once was, and sadly it seems that it may never return to those wonderful times. She may wish to save the relationship or draw a line under it.


Those who live and die for money can be miserable all their life, and as her current behaviour affects your self-esteem and your feelings towards her have altered then she probably is not ‘the one’.

Ladies are very different in looks and personality, which makes life exciting. There’s no reason why you have to experience the same sort of scenario of feeling sad and patronised when you next date a lady.

Take my advice and undertake some deep soul searching. It sounds like you need some breathing space, I suggest a fortnight, from your lady to see if you could work things out when you meet up again.

You may still love this woman who is making you miserable. Ask yourself if roles reversed and you tried to “improve” your lady then how would she react?

The sad reality is your romantic partnership is badly languishing, but really you don’t have to suffer anymore. It’s best to be realistic now that things are truly dragging you down, although unfortunately it sounds like the relationship has run its course.

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